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How do i show confidence? plz help me

hey! i have struggled so long with being constantly told that i was ugly in my life and growing up i had major self esteem issues. withn the Af American community it is more acceptable to have a lighter skin tone, long hair and a big butt and wide hips. I'm the opp of that; i have always stood out in my life, more so unintentionally. i was just dif from othr people either because i excelled or did well in school, was quiet, a good gurl, or whatnot. and guys and gurls have told me at some point that i am ugly and it hurts my feelings. it's almost to the point where i hear it daily. There have been ppl that have told me that i am pretty, cute, or beautiful even.yall im so tired of sitn at home while my other friends all go out and havfun. i dont go anywhere because im afraid of ppl's negativ opinions. please help me out somebody!

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Asked by sweetandpetite1 at 2:36 AM on Jul. 5, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • I am a firm believer in faking it until you feel it. Dont just sit at home. Get up, get dressed and get out. Hold your head up high! I think many people in your life may be jealous of you. i think you are pretty by looking at your picture and you say you excelled in school. Maybe people in your life have found a way to hold you back at their level. Dont let them. Surround yourself with positive people! Get the toxic ones out of your life.

    Answer by AKEllen at 3:28 AM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • First let me say that I completely feel your pain. You know how there is always that one person in school that *nobody* even the "loser kids" like? Well, you're lookin' at her! It wasn't as bad in highschool, but it was still bad.

    That being said, I used to think it was silly to do the "fake it til you make it" thing the above poster mentioned. However, I've had a change of heart in the past few years. You would be SO surprised how much your life can change if you just wake up every day and tell yourself that you WILL look confident and you WILL hold your head up! Even if someone cuts you down that day, just smile and move on. You may be aching inside, but try hard to push it out of your head and get past it. I'm not going to lie and say "It's as simple as faking it 'til you make it" because this is NOT an easy thing to do and it can take years for you to really feel comfortable in your new skin. But it will happen.

    Answer by MamaPyratekk at 8:03 AM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • I have to agree with the other posters. They ARE jealous. You ARE beautiful! Do you have any idea how many women out there would KILL to look as good as you?? You need to make new friends, ones who do not put you down. They don't sound like true friends to me.

    Answer by Kauna at 8:37 AM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • Well I can sympthize with you and the above poster because I was teased mercilessly all the way through school until I graduated. It wasn't until I got out of high school and got away from the superficial cliques that I realized I wasn't as bad as they said, although even now I still struggle sometimes with self confidence issues, years later. I agree with the first poster to fake it till you feel it. Find something that you enjoy and have fun with it, whether it's a new hobby or even a new place to hang out. May I suggest a martial arts class? Karate is a great way to learn self confidence plus it's good exercise and you can meet new people. BTW,I think you look very cute in your profile pic!!

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 8:40 AM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • I know a lot of people feel your pain. There aren't too many of us that haven't been teased about something or another. Try a new scene. Go to a party with a co-worker instaed of your close "friends". This will automatically take you to new surroundings. The new people don't know you lack confidence. Good luck on your quest to find out who you really are.

    Answer by wilbursdaughter at 9:48 AM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • I got confidence due to drumline. We were told to never show it when we screw up. We had to screw up with style (we got so good at it that we learned our routines on one hand in case we lost a stick). I just transferred that to life. Even if you don't have the confidence pretend you do. Fake your way through it for a bit and it will come.

    Answer by purpleducky at 10:26 AM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • thank you guys for your answers and i will definitely do fake it until i feel ait and where a smile on my face!

    Answer by sweetandpetite1 at 10:54 AM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ON THIS PLANET. Say that when you feel like others think differently. Can't no one tell me that they look better than I do. NO ONE!! If you think about it, you should not care what other people think. Screw them. All ugly people are in denial about being ugly, only beautiful woman have complaints, which is weird. Just like all fat people are in denial about being fat, that's why they are still fat. But skinny minis are always trying to lose weight. That's a thought.

    Answer by Queentdi at 12:05 PM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • You have to first please yourself. Get dressed, put on make-up or whatever you do to get ready to go out. Then go out. Have fun. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you think you are cute then you are. If you think you are ugly then you are. It's all about what you think of yourself. Peopl are always gonna have an opinion. Learn not to let that matter to you. It took me along time but I finally did. I went thru the same thing for years. I have finally gotten to the point where I don't want to go anywhrer without being dressed up.

    Answer by mikki1972 at 4:12 PM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • ever heard of the marsha brady syndrome? i have ti and its awesome. this is what you do. you do your hair, get a great little dress, a killer pair or heels, and go clubbing girl! you smile a lot, look everyone in the eye and adopt an air of 'improve your image, be seen wiht me." after faking it a couple of times it will be true.
    i'm not a black girl and to be honest i dont' know what hte differences are in teh beauty standards of the races, but white chicks are supposed to be rail thin and have big boobs. i just got mine this year so i've been there. its worked for me.
    and also, someone once told me being a good mom is sexy as hell.
    do you really want someone who is looking for someone wiht junk in the trunk or someone who is looking for someone with something to offer other than a big booodie?

    Answer by princezzmommie at 5:57 PM on Jul. 5, 2008

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