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Is this normal?

I worry all the time about my adult kids. They are in their 20s and do not live at home. I often check their facebook and myspace pages as well as their friends to see what i can find out since two of the three have been notorious for not being honest. I know the older two are using drugs/alcohol and I get knots in my stomach thinking about it. I am trying to not be co-dependent or enable any of them. I am just wondering if my obsession with worrying abou them is normal. I feel like I have no life. It revolves around what they are doing. HELP!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on Nov. 17, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (10)
  • This is depressing because I was hoping that I would be less stressed about my kids well being after they hit a certain age. I suppose you are very normal though. Any great mom will always worry about her kids.

    As far as the drugs, I know how tough that must be. I put my parents through hell as a teen with my drug use. I never even realized I was hurting them though. When using, people are so wrapped up in their own world that they don't have the ability to see what they are doing to you. The best thing you can do is to not enable or support them in any way while they are using. When they are ready to sober up then you can step back in.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 1:55 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • You will always worry about your kids no matter how old they get, or atleast that is what everyone says and I think that it is true. If, you want to help your kids or your kids want help then start taking steps to get there. good luck
    Army108th

    Answer by Army108th at 2:09 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I can only speak for myself, not in regards to what is the norm or not.

    Me personally.

    I do not check on those things. My son is an adult. He has his own life to lead. He has to make his own choices. And in turn, he must be the one who deals with the consquences/reprecussions of those choices (for good or ill). It is not my place any longer to monitor every aspect of his life. He must do that own his own. I'm here if he needs and ask for my help. I am here if he ask for my advice and guidance or opinion. I am here if he just needs to talk. However, that's my line. I'm here for him when he comes to me (when he asks for help). Do I worry about my son. Well yeah, I'm a mom.. lol.. However, I have raised him, I have guided/taught him the best I could. It is now time to let him live his life. If he lives his life and makes choices that would go along the lines of how he was raised/taught.Great! If not, okay his choice.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:20 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • My kids are ok, it's my grandkids that worry me so I stay away from their FB, MS and any other sites where I might learn something I don't want to know. It's their life. They have to live it but they also need to know there are consequences for many of their decisions.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:50 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Yeah I try to not pay attention to what is going on their face book and such. Other wise I am a worry wort too. My husband told me the other day they are not going to need you for a while. Probably the next time they will need you is when they have kids and want you to baby sit.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 2:52 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • You have to let them go at some point. I have done more than my share of "helping" my kids. There comes a point when they just have to learn to be an adult. I do keep in touch with my kids and I too am facebook friends with my boys, not my daughter :(.
    I take my kids out to lunch every week and we just chat. It's a good way to continue the communication. Don't be afraid to call your child or even text them. I text all my kids. Good Luck
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 10:36 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Our boys are 24 & 20. They're adults now. We raised them with good morals and it is now time for them to grow..We will ALWAYS be there for them if they should fall but it is none of my business to pry on their myspace, fb or whatever else they have. Does this mean I don't worry, Of course I do, I wouldn't be a good parent if I didn't...Step back, give them space, let them make mistakes, they'll figure it out, I promise :)
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 1:41 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • I don't think it's a bad idea at all to be friends with your adult child on facebook, etc. I don't feel it's being nosey, well, just a bit maybe but you would be surprised what kids even what I have seen adult kids put on facebook and other sites are more that way than facebook. If you happen to see something that you may feel was over the edge you can discuss it w/them in a way that isn't saying "I saw your comment on facebook and...." I do think a parent should be 'in the middle' with it all and have good boundaries or otherwise your adult child won't come to you about much because they see you as 'judgemental' etc. I do think you NEVER stop being a parent even when your kids are grown. You just do it in a different way.
    cat4458

    Answer by cat4458 at 1:57 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • For me I'd say no. My sons are 18, 20, 22 and 24 and I don't pry or spy on their personal lives because what they do, who they are friends with, etc. is none of my business.
    tracylynnr67

    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 1:16 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

  • You have done your job as a parent to the best of your ability. Now if they succeed or fail it is because of their choices. You need to find other things to do with your time. When you feel the urge to 'check up' on them, just repeat 'they are adults'!
    chris219

    Answer by chris219 at 12:35 AM on Nov. 25, 2010

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