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Who are you when you're not a SAHM anymore?

Hubby and I were talking this morning. Our kids are getting older and both will be on their own in a few years. The thing that is making me wonder is since my life has been dedicated to my kids since I was 16, where does that leave me when they don't need me on a daily basis? Who am I? I have never been an adult without kids at home to care for. If your kids have moved on what did you do? How did you find common ground with your husbands? Am I crazy for wondering all this?


Asked by scout_mom at 3:40 PM on Nov. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 41 (125,190 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • That's tough for me to answer in some ways.

    I am an empty nester. However, I worked really hard through the years to keep ":me" and to keep connected with my husband. Since I maintained myself and my relationship with my husband as a priority over the years. My empty nest experiences (so far) have been amazingly wonderful. I spend my time doing whatever strikes me. I go to the art museum, I go to poetry readings, I go to art galleries, I hang out with friends..etc.. My husband and I, we are having an amazing time together!! Everyday is about "us", and we make the most out of everyday (unless unforseen circumstances pop up like one of us being sick or something like that). We go out and experience things all over the city together, and we just sit at home and watch movies together. Both situations hold the same amount of fun, passion, and connection for us.

    Cont.. below

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:46 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • You are a mom that has done her job and now its time to learn to be who you are, and who you want to become. Time to focus on you and your dh! Good luck and congrats at raising your children to be self-sufficient adults!


    Answer by bjojola at 3:42 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I went back to work and later went back to college. It was nice to just be ME. There is more to life than being a Mommie.

    Answer by kerp1960 at 3:43 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • That's part of the reason I have chosen to go back to school for my Masters degree. My kids are still young which gives me the time to take classes at my leisure, and then when they are old enough I will have a career for me.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 3:44 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • If you have lost "you", and you have lost a connection with your husband (a relationship outside of parenthood). That's where I would start. I would begin some self discovery, and I would start reconnecting with my husband (again outside of parenthood). I would start now. From my own experiences and those of friends (most everyone in my social group are empty nesters), it is best to have those things in order before the kiddos leave home. I've seen many a couple wake up one day after the kids left and wonder 'Who the hell is this person I'm sitting next to"..Because they never maintained their relationship (outside of parenthood) while the kids were growing up. I've seen women who spent the majority of their life being "mom" and nothing else, go into a deep depression after their children left because they really believed that there was nothing left of "them". That they were just "mom"...

    Cont. below

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:49 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Maybe you can start doing volunteer work.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 3:53 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • And without that, they were "nothing".. Sad, but yeah I have seen women go through that spiral. I truly felt for my friends that went through that. 2 really felt that with the kids gone, they were nothing and there was no reason to exist any longer. Broke my heart.

    Start today.. Start exploring and finding You.. Start having a relationship outside of parenthood with your husband. Start today in preperation of making your tomorrow the BEST it can be.

    The journey can be a fun and fulfilling one once you embark on it!!

    I wish you the best :-)

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:51 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Volunteer... there are all types of volunteer opportunities .. maybe you could volunteer at the local school or library

    Answer by holfee at 6:10 PM on Nov. 17, 2010