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2 Bumps

Was I too harsh or not harsh enough?

My 7yo is driving me nuts. She refused to put her candy back in the kitchen so I took it away from her. She then tried to sneak it from the kitchen so I sent her to time out. She was kicking the wall so I spanked. She then hit me so I put her in her room until dinner time. She then kicked her door. Now she is in there until tomorrow morning except a quick shower tonight and dinner. I am having a very difficult time putting my foot down but I am sticking to it today. She keeps yelling out "why don't you love me". It is heartbreaking. Right at this moment I can hear her throwing around stuff in her room...I am going to go and take it away for a week.

 
ashisamom

Asked by ashisamom at 5:02 PM on Nov. 17, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (18)
  • This does not sound heartbreaking to me. This is a manipulative temper tantrum. The first change I'd make? She wouldn't be allowed candy. No, I'm not kidding.
    In addition, I'd be sitting on her bed reading a magazine and directing her to clean the mess she is making in her room (and yes, taking away everythng she mistreated while having a fit) , and then I'd have her get ready for bed.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 5:05 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • First take a breath and calm yourself. Then you go to her door and you calmly say "Your behavior is inappropriate and I will not talk to you until you calm down. The longer that takes the more consequences you will recieve. Then close the door and walk away. She has to learn when you say no it means no everytime. If the fit contined much longer..the candy would go in the trash. She would also be grounded from TV, video games and computer for at least 2 days. That is a lifetime when you are 7. Hang in there.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:07 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I think I would have just stuck to one punishment. Say you first take the candy away and she tried to sneak it then put her in the time out if she is kicking the wall either move her chair to the center of the room or let her kick the wall but she has to do the time out. When she acts out because of the punishment I wouldn't keep punishing her with more things. She is just lashing out and that can be a never ending battle. Just punish her the one time and make her complete that punishment and then it's over. It can't keep snowballing into more and more punishments.
    sue118

    Answer by sue118 at 5:09 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Wow, that sounds a LOT like my 5 year old. I go through the same thing you do almost daily. I do time outs, spankings (rarely), groundings, taking away privileges, etc. She's just damn stubborn and doesn't care. My husband and I are taking her to a child psychologist next week because we're at wits end about how to deal with her. I'm going to keep checking on your question and maybe get some good advice from some of the other mom's on here.
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 5:07 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I would take everything out of her room. If she cant respect it then she doesnt deserve it. I do this with my DS when he throws a fit like this and I wouldnt allow her to have any candy or her stuff back for a week.
    saysha100687

    Answer by saysha100687 at 5:08 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I'm guessing that something else is bothering your baby. Behaviours you described are acting out, because 7-year-old generally has no clue how to voice some of the stuff that's going on in their growing brains, bodies and heads. Try going in her room for a talk. Take the time to find out what is bothering her. Tell her, "Hey sweetie, we need to call a truce. Can we talk about this?" Ask her why she is doing what she is doing, and what you can do to help her. Sort out things going on in her head and life. Talk about actions and consequences, and let her know how much you really do love her. Trust me - when she's 16 this will be your worst nightmare if you are the one she runs FROM rather than the one she runs to.
    mommyx9

    Answer by mommyx9 at 5:11 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Honestly, I think if she was sitting in time out I would have ignored the kicking. But whether that's right, I don't know. My son trashed his room once and I packed his stuff all up in a bag and put it away for a while. He didn't even care. I remember reading in a parenting book about the trashing the room thing and it said to just leave it and let them live with it trashed like that until they realize that they can't find anything and don't like it like that. I don't know if that would work either. Your daughter sounds very angry right now and like she needs you to calmly reassure her that you do love her, but she should still have to stay in her room as you said.
    mybella81

    Answer by mybella81 at 5:13 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • First off my kids got hyper over eating too much candy. So, I limited the candy when they started to act up. Additionally, after she is done being upset, I would go and talk with her about her actions. Kids need to learn a lesson from the outcome of their actions so they don't repeat them again. They sometimes do, but at least you can reinforce why she is being told she is being punished. I would also tell her that you still love her but don't like what she does which is a big difference. My kids would say things like that too, and I would assure them that they are still loved but I didn't like what they did.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 5:34 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I would clean her room out tomorrow and have her earn back her things if she trashed them - start giving her more choices and see if that helps her feel in more control over things, Have you read Love and Logic, this sounds like a GREAT idea for this type of behavior and I think it will save you too mommy. Me and my husband took the love and logic course and although our son is only 3, it is geared more towards 5 and up and it is already helping us in tantrum areas.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:41 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I don't think you were too harsh. I do however advice you to buy the book love and logic magic for early childhood it's a life saver I'm telling ya! lol And the only other thing is to make sure you stick with it when you say something; whether that be punishment or that something is going to happen.
    2murphyboys

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 5:42 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

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