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my sister in law just paid me a visit, and i found out some interesting news which hubby decided NOT to share with me!

i posted something about this last week, how i found out on facebook that SIL tore her lung, not from hubby.

she visited today, and she said she told my hubby not to tell anyone that she was here. she even tried to hide it from her mom by sneaking in and out of her house at night but she found out anyway. i realize hubby kept a secret for her.. but i think it would have been OK to share it with me! she's been here since Fri. and i didn't even know, and she's leaving this friday!

she also told me that he stopped by his mom's last night after work (where she's staying too), another thing he didn't tell me. he was about 15 minutes late getting home from work and i didnt bother to ask why, figured he was caught up at work.

i realize this stuff isn't major news, but i tell him every little thing that goes on here at home and with my family. it bothers me that he excludes me. am i making a mountain out of a mole hill?

 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 5:13 PM on Nov. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Married people should not have secrets from each other. Doesn't matter if it involves parents, siblings, friends. No secrets. The fact that he is willing to keep you in the dark about something, especially something going on in your house just because his sister told him to, is wrong.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 6:06 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I don't consider that a "secret". He was being respectful of his sister. There never comes a time when two people are one, and when someone expects this is when their relationship begins to fail. You are individuals, you have your own lives, and sometimes do not need to be included in whatever activity, family relationship,information, etc. is transpiring.
    My SO and I do not "keep secrets", we speak about things that are important, and which affect us as a family unit- this does not always (or often) include the goings on of our siblings, extended family, or even friends.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 5:18 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • When I specifically ask someone not to tell anyone, that means anyone not even their SO.
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:15 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • If someone asks me not to tell I only share it with my husband he is my other half and mine would have told me knowing I would probably find out about it anyway and it would cause problems. I also dont believe in keeping secrets from my dh.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 5:19 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Well I guess I see it from both sides...

    Personally, I have a big mouth, I don't care who tells me what, or if they tell me "don't tell anyone" I still tell my SO. We seriously talk about everything. So, I would be pretty upset, too.. Even thought you're right, and this really isn't that big of a deal.

    Now, stopping at his mom's house.. that doesn't seem like anything you should be upset about. I stop at my parents house on my way home all the time and don't just bring it up. If he asks I tell him, or if something happened while I was there that is interesting I say, "I stopped at my mom's on the way home and..." but generally to me that doesn't seem like a very big deal. It might be significant in your marriage, though.. I'm not judging it!
    FatGirl239

    Answer by FatGirl239 at 5:25 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • he did it out of respect for his sister.
    canta1980

    Answer by canta1980 at 6:34 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • i tell dh about everything.. but there is stuff in his family that he doesnt tell me.. thats ok.. sure id like to know, his mom & him have a very close relationship & talk often together so id love to know more about their conversation but its not really my business.. i know its private & its never anything bad about me since MIL & I get along.. but id love to know mainly because ive never had that special relationship with anyone in my family.
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 5:23 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • My husband and I tell each other everything, so to me it would be a secret. We share things that there is no way we would tell anyone else, but we don't keep things from each other.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 5:30 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • there should never be any secrets in marriage
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 5:14 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • No you are not. If he is keeping this a secret. What else is he keeping a secret?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:52 PM on Nov. 17, 2010