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3 Bumps

My college age daughter is dragging me down.

I have to go pick her up on Friday, it is a three hour drive.(6 hours total) She wants me to bring her boy friend. I said nope. I just don't want to deal with it. Now she is like thanks mom:( I told her I want to spend time talking to her. She really knows how to lay on the guilt trip.. How do I not get dragged down by this? Help me gain some persepctive.


Asked by mmmegan38 at 6:21 PM on Nov. 17, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 29 (39,651 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Tell her that you just want to have AT LEAST the 3 hours home an back with her. You know she wont be beside you for the entire trip while she is home, and this gives you guaranteed time alone with her. Her boyfriend is a big boy, if he wants to come down, he can find his own way. IMO

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 11:23 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Tell her this is your time to be together. Let her know how special this time is to you. And remind her that she will see enough of the boyfriend when she is home (if that is true). Try to ignore the pouting and have a reserve bunch of things to talk about. Don't ask any question that can be answered with just a yes or no. Can you include a nice lunch stop in the trip? Hope it works out. hug

    Answer by elizabr at 6:33 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I know that feeling,having had two daughters . They are over 40 but can still TRY to lay a guilt trip on me. Just don't let them do it---be strong!! ;-) good luck!

    Answer by kerp1960 at 6:32 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • she needs to respect you for one and if you don't want to have her boy friend tag alone then so be it... don't let her guilt you... if she wants him to go then he can go drive and get her himself.... you daugher just needs to be greatful that your going out of your way for her.

    Answer by Lynnsae at 6:33 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • well, does the bf need a ride? i don't blame you but you might be embarrassing her by saying no. Not that that is a reason to take him. Does he live in the same town? I guess you could spin it like this: Take the boyfriend home but tell her you then expect to have special time with her when you're home. Or don't take him and expect she'll dump you for him. It's nothing personal, it's the age. JMO

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 6:44 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Ask her if she really wants you and him to spend three hours in the car on the way up, with nothing in common to talk about but her. Tell her you would welcome the chance to ask him stuff that she doesn't want to answer, herself. I don't think she has thought this through.

    Answer by callmeann at 2:02 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Just wondering if she expects her boyfriend to stay with you, or if he lives by you. If he lives by you, I wouldn't mind him coming along for the ride. However, if she expects him to stay for the weekend in your home, I think I would have an issue with that as well. College age kids are tough at times because they are adults, want to be treated like adults, but often do not act like adults. Good luck.

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 8:15 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Don't get dragged down then. The only person responsible for how you feel is yourself. Tell her to catch a bus next time.

    Answer by Waxing_Lyrical at 8:54 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Tell her to take a Greyhound bus

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:48 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I'd give him a ride. Next week is Thanksgiving and I imagine that he'd like to come home and possibly has no ride to get there. Don't let it get you down. Of course you want to spend time with your daughter but now she's an adult and she does have other people in her life. Trry accepting those other people. You can still talk to her while her bf is around and get to know him as well. My sons are all grown, 1 in the military, 1 in college, 1 just out of the military and another who has been out on his own for almost 5 years and I know that sometimes I just have to compromise a little because they do have other people in their lives. They are very good at dividing themselves between girlfriends/friends and family.

    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 8:12 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

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