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my daughter, 19, insists on private college, at $33,000 a yr.

She is on her 2nd yr. and I have taken out $15,000 in special loans to help make up for what her student loans don't cover. She has 2 yrs. left and I refuse to take out more loans. She also works fulltime.
She is not a saver, she is a spender, thinks nothing of spending $80 on jeans. She won't even save up to buy a good used beater. She relies on others for rides instead.
Is it too much for me to ask for her to start saving her money instead of spending it? If she wants the expensive college then she needs to be doing more and making more of an effort.
I am in my 40's without a retirement savings, I can't work because of disabilities. Trying to pay back $15,000 is going to be very hard for me to do.


Asked by wheresthewayout at 6:55 PM on Nov. 17, 2010 in Money & Work

Level 29 (39,885 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • She needs a reality check here! I want a Lincoln, but I cant afford one. She may want this private college, but you cant afford it. There are other colleges/universities that are less expensive. She could also apply for grants to help offset the costs. She also needs to learn about budgeting. I get a lot of compliments on the tops I get at Family Dollar for $7.00/ea! I also shop consignment/resale shops. To spend $80 on jeans & not have your own transportation at the age of 19 tells me her priorities are a bit out of whack. I sympathize, believe me, I have a 19 y/o son & kids from this generation are not in touch w/ reality when it comes to common sense things about life! Show her some of these responses & set her straight. Good luck mama.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:03 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • If she wants it, she should be the one working for it. It's fine to want things, but earn what you want.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 6:57 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • My parents helped pay for my first 2 years, including food money. I went part time and worked full time to finish after "their" money ran out. If she wants it bad enough, it's a GOOD thing to "make" her help herself.

    Answer by kjrn79 at 6:57 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Not wrong at all. I went to a private college and there's NO WAY I could have spent $80 on jeans because I always payed my monthly tuition. If you want to help her, sit down with her and work out a budget based on the income she's making. There's nothing at all wrong with her having to live simply while she;s in college. She should be contributing as much as she can.

    Answer by Adelicious at 6:57 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • If she wants to go to a private college, then she can pay for it. She shouldn't "insist" on anything. I say give her an ultimatum. Tell her she either pays for her own (or at least makes a good contribution), OR she can go to a cheaper school.

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 7:01 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I wouldn't take out another loan for anything! You are in a situation where you need to build a savings for yourself, not rack up more debt. I remember watching some financial guru a while back and the topic of paying towards your grown child's education or your own retirement came up. Your daughter is old enough to get her own finances in order and take out her own loan.

    Answer by Jessica157 at 7:03 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • When I read the first part of the question I thought to myself "no problem if SHE insists on going SHE can pay for it"

    My take on college is this....As a parent I WANT to give my kid a college education. I KNOW what I can afford. I will NOTbury myself in debt because that is just not a smart move. My dd does online college and works full time I pay for the school and she pays for her books. She lives on her own pays for her own car and apartment. That is how we can make it work for us.

    If you are worry how you will pay the loans back and have no retirement for yourself I think it is time to tell dd to find schooling that is more reasonable if she expects you to pay anything and that she will still need to contribute to her education. If she INSISTS on the 33,000 yr college tell her "sorry but you are on your own, I can not afford that"

    Answer by sue118 at 7:06 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Your retirement and Your future come before her desires. If she wants to go to this school then all loans are in her name only. If she doesn't like that then she'll have to decide for herself what she's going to do about it. You need to put your foot down now and tell her 'no more!'. Lots and lots of people pay their own way through college. My husband and I did. I didn't even have loans, I paid cash as I went, while working full time. She is a big girl now and it is time for her to figure out how she's going to get what she wants in a way that doesn't involve you taking out loans. But you have to tell her now that you will not pay one more dime for school.

    Answer by slw123 at 8:34 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Good for her. Where is SHE going to come up with the money for it? I would tell her that if she doesn't transfer to a college you can afford, she needs to figure out how to pay for it herself.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 6:57 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • she needs to start saving maybe looking into grants for herself too she can't keep taking if she isn't even trying to save

    Answer by Gen at 6:57 PM on Nov. 17, 2010