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2 Bumps

What is your honest opinion of my husband?

He works hard for us. O/T, weekends, whatever hours available. He lets me be a SAHM. He supports me in everything I want to do. He's generous with money.

His evil side: he lies about pot & cigarettes. He gets nasty when we fight about these things, verbally nasty that is. He promises time & time again to quit. Promises time and time again to not lie. He breaks both those promises all the time. He has gotten grumpy lately due to medication he is on for pain.

I am very confused by him and don't know what to do. I am better than being with a pot smoking liar but he has so many good qualities and he doesn't deserve to be deserted while he is in pain and scheduled for another surgery.
What do I do? And, no, I can't leave him. Not possible right now and we tried counseling but he stopped going after 3 sessions.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on Nov. 17, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I don't know how this post degenerated into a pot versus no drug thing when the gist of it is he is verbally abusive with you. I don't use drugs either and told my x when we first met that I won't be with someone who does, he lied and said he didn't. I found pot here and there on the carpets & shelves for yrs.. at the time we were moving a lot, he would always try and tell me it had to have belonged to the previous tennants, ridiculous...when someone stands there looking you in the eye, lying to you, it's just an abomination of trust, respect..it's impossible to trust anything else that comes out of their mouth. I finally busted him when he was out smoking a cigarrette, he was rolling up a tiny ball of weed and stuffing it into the end of his cig, but our relationship had deteriorated on so many levels before that, he was verbally abusive, pot withdrawl made him more psycho than normal too, he went crazy when he was out.
    chocolatluver

    Answer by chocolatluver at 11:50 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • remember "For better or for worse"..
    mywonderyears

    Answer by mywonderyears at 7:37 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Isn't that kind of irrelevant? I mean really, isn't the question "what is YOUR honest opinion of your husband?" Isn't that what really matters?
    You know what the situation is. Now decide what's important to you and what's not, and what you can accept and what you can't.

    And of course he stopped going to counseling. He doesn't see a problem. You do. Counseling isn't a "fix all". Counseling is only beneficial when one chooses to work for improvement in areas that they recognize as problematic.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 7:53 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • By the way op, pot is an excellent pain killer, maybe this eases his pain, it is a lot better than prescription meds.
    older

    Answer by older at 7:47 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • I tried counseling, the guy told me I was crazy to think my hubby "who was in pain" was addicted to pin meds. A week later he was committed to rehab.
    My hubby too was a great providerm but lied and did drugs, perscription pain pills he bought on the street in addition to his prescribed amount. I was a SAHM too. I felt trapped. I felt like I should just be greatful for having an almost perfect guy.
    After, he went to rehab, we had a lot of talking and dealing to do. He is a new man now. After, going through withdrawls, his back pain was minimal. Most of his pain was from withdrawing from pills. When they take meds it hurts when the pill is wearing off.
    He is no longer taking any kind of pain meds. He is now the man and father he should have been.
    The truth is all I except. Rehab allowed him to frin his truth.
    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 7:42 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • My opinion of your husband? He needs to find a better way to manage his pain, and not take his pain out on you. Him being in pain, scheduled for surgery, and providing for you financially does not give him the right to be nasty to you.

    If you are staying in the marriage, I would suggest you continue to go to counseling without him, and try to encourage him to go. You can't force him, and you can't change him...so I guess you should be prepared to continue life like this?
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 7:43 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • If he does not want to go to counseling I do not see why you have to stop. Sometimes it is best just for you too go and talk things out with someone who is not around the sitauion. I would tell him how you feel about his smoking pot and you disapprove but dont give him ultimatums if you are not willing to leave. I dont think you neccesarily need to leave I just think that you need to work on yourself first to be able to place firmer boundaries.
    EviesMummy08

    Answer by EviesMummy08 at 7:45 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • My x was a pot smoking liar and abusive to me verbally as well..that's why he's an x. You deserve better.
    chocolatluver

    Answer by chocolatluver at 7:46 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • i do not know what to say about your husband because he is not talking
    but from what you said...
    he doesn't deserve to be deserted WHILE he is in pain
    I can't leave him. Not possible RIGHT NOW
    His EVIL side

    these are words from a woman that wants out
    or at the least has given up

    if you do not want out and you have not given up, i would suggest try to be more positive- i know easy for me to say
    but your outlook on the situation can and will have effect on the situation
    i too say you go to therapy even if he does not
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:52 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • If I was working a lot of o/t and weekends I'd need a release too. Personally I'd choose alcohol over pot. why are you on his case so much?

    Is it really worth him working so hard? Can't you do without something so that he can be home more with his family and be able to relax more. Is he just a money machine?
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 7:53 PM on Nov. 17, 2010