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5 Bumps

my husband cheated on me once in feb i forgave cause we had a 6month old baby well last tuesday i found out he was cheating with same person again i left with our 15month old and iam 30wks prego she is there now he says he is confused bout what he wants but he doesnt want a divorce is there hope for us?

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stheresa1234

Asked by stheresa1234 at 9:59 PM on Nov. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (40)
  • No One deserves to be cheated on... If he did it again he'll do it again and again, especially if he doesn't know what he wants. I'm sorry that you got hurt but you deserve better i'm sure.
    mlmsm928

    Answer by mlmsm928 at 10:01 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Personally i agree with the girl who commented first, no one deserves to be cheated on or have to go through that. Honestly if he did it not once but twice with the same person then why sit around and wait for it to happen again. But in all honestly our opinion doesnt matter, its what you want to do and what you can live with. If you think you and him can move past this then thats wonderful but remember it has to be in the past and he will have to rebuild all the broken trust which will take time and im sure be very difficult. Just do what you feel is right for you and the kids, whatever makes you happy because if your kids see that your happy they will be happy but if they constantly see you living in saddness because your staying with him for the kids then they will see that too.
    RhiannaSanchez

    Answer by RhiannaSanchez at 10:05 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • You deserve better and so do your children. They don't need to see a deadbeat because they will think that's how a man is supposed to treat a woman. You're better of without him!
    TwoBrownDogs

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 10:06 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • does not seem he is treating you with respect and he is not treating this other slut with respect either
    you deserve better
    the slut deserves him, because he will cheat on her too in time
    God bless you and your children
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:08 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • thats y i left him now she is there and he still wants me there but wants me 2 live with them and he dont want a divorce he isnt making any sense 2 me
    stheresa1234

    Comment by stheresa1234 (original poster) at 10:09 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • The question is this.
    What do you want your children growing up thinking is a normal, healthy relationship? Whatever they know now, they will relive later in their own lives. Model for them the best possible behavior that you can, which may mean leaving your dh- no one can know that but you.

    I'll speak this from my own personal experience though; Staying together for the kids only makes things worse, they are better off with two parents who live separately who love them, then living with two parents who constantly fight.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 10:09 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Ack! He needs to get un-confused and fast! Either he ditches the lover, makes a renewed commitment to his wife, and you both go to couples counseling, or there is no hope. He has to want it in order to put the work in. I wish you had kicked him out, he stepped out of the marriage, he should be the one to step out of the house, especially being as you have had to displace your son and you'll have a new baby that will need to come home in 10 weeks. How dare he bring her into your home? Just yuck!

    On another note, assuming he isn't a sex addict or habitual liar/cheater, I can tell you right now why he feels torn. You are meeting some of his needs and she is meeting others. The lover usually meets one or two needs that have gone unmet in the marriage, while the spouse is still meeting others. That's why people become depressed when they make a decision, either way. (cont.)
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 10:10 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Order this book- http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/0800714784/ref=dp_olp_used?ie=UTF8&condition=used and both of you read it. Maybe order two copies. It's very cheap on Amazon.

    He needs to make the decision to lose the lover RIGHT NOW and go to counseling, then you both should sit down and make a list of your needs, ranking them by priority, then brainstorm ways to meet each others' needs. If you get back together, he also must forfeit any rights to privacy or trust for a long while. You have passwords, phone access, the ability to show up where he is at any time- with no complaint from him. Trust is earned and you have to be secure before you can trust, he violated it so he must respect your process.

    If he isn't willing to chose his marriage, I'm sorry but he has to lose it. And so sadly, so do you. But I know you can be strong, you already have been by leaving!
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 10:13 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • Of course he doesnt want a divorce...he wants to have his cake and eat it to. You better get it now, because it WILL happen again. I am sorry, but it's true.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

  • he swears iam seeing sumone and became angry yellin at me on the phone tonight bout it but he dosent want a divorce they just wanna sleep together
    stheresa1234

    Comment by stheresa1234 (original poster) at 10:13 PM on Nov. 17, 2010

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