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How can I trust and accept my marriage, and stop being jealous all the time?

My husband always reassures me he'd never cheat or stray, that i'm the only one he wants, and yet because of every other male example in my life I don't believe him. Also feel like he's too good to be true, and i'm undiserving, which makes me jealous of every girl that interacts with him, because i know i got a good thing, and i'm scared they too will see it, and go after him. I have reacurring dreams of him with other girls and in the dream i go balistic! I'm so fearful of losing him, this is the best relationship i've ever been in so why am i self sabotaging it? how can i even start to work through such deep rooted feelings?

 
YungMum_STL

Asked by YungMum_STL at 11:10 PM on Nov. 3, 2008 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • being burned hurts, and trust doesn't build up in one person overnight. you will get over it when you're good and ready..it will take time, and hopefully, he loves you enough to see you through this issue. you are the one with the problem, so don't be surprised if he decides he can't live with someone who doesn't trust him. its not about just you. your husband deserves to know he can trust you to trust him. if he's all you say he is, now is the time to believe it. he is not the other guys...i had a hard time trusting my husband..not the bf's before him, but just him because i decided to give it a whirl and trust him enough to marry him, commit to him. it was hard..but since i committed myself to him, it became easier to know and believe that he committed himself to me. you dig?
    thehairnazi

    Answer by thehairnazi at 11:24 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • its hard after 4 years I still dont trust my husband yet and I know he is not cheating on me
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • can't you just trust him until he gives you a reason not too. your in need of some therapy to get over your past.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 11:52 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • It sounds like you really love your husband. You have got to get a grip girl! He sounds like a good man. I know that is easier said than done. We all have baggage. Get some self help. You ARE worthy. You picked some bad men in the past but that was the past. He is your future. Try to focus on the positive. This man loves you despite your craziness. Embrace it! It's okay.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 11:53 PM on Nov. 3, 2008

  • how can you work through your feelings? get therapy...seriously...

    how can you stop being jealous all the time? start trusting who you married...if he hasnt given you a reason to doubt him, then dont make one up...be proud of what you have, be happy about it...who cares if others see the good that you have? not every woman is out to take what others have...maybe they will be happy or just acknowledge that you have a good thing...

    if you are always thinking about the negative that can happen, then the reality is that it will become what happens...if you dont want to lose what you have, then put the negative aside and move on...

    i realize that you stated that every other male in your life has been a bad example...except for this one...dont turn this into a statistic...

    peace...
    Monkeygrrl

    Answer by Monkeygrrl at 1:07 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • My best friends husband always accused her of cheating. We went to Bingo with my 80 year old gram . He accused my gram of being a madame. He followed her to GED classes and peaked in the windows. His first wife had cheated on him. One day he brought a friend home for dinner. Her h got drunk and passed out. The friend and she did it in their car. She told me she just got so sick of being accused she did it. They had been married for 5 years and had 2 kids.  Then she told him.  They divorced.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:12 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I understand exactly how you are feeling. I deal with trust issues on a daily basis too. Finally I sat my DH down and told him, this is what I need from you to feel safe and secure in our relationship...and it has helped. I agree with the others about therapy though, we have to find a way to let go of the past and move on.
    Kimebs

    Answer by Kimebs at 10:28 AM on Nov. 4, 2008