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df and I got into a fight!

my df works out of state and makes really good money. he just got back to work due to waiting on permits so he didnt get a full check so I told him I didnt need the normal amount of money that I want. I wanted 200 and he sent me 100 which means he spent 500 by the time he sent me my money gram, which was 3 days. I asked him last night what he spent it on and he said "do we have to do this right now?" Which of course made me made and wonder what he spent his money on that he doesnt want to tell me about. then it escaladed into a huge fight and he wont even answer my texts. Was I wrong for asking him this? I mean we have 3 kids together and have been together for 4yrs and all of a sudden he is being shady? Oh and he wouldnt buy me anything btw just incase you say maybe thats what he did. was I wrong for asking him and just let it go or keep trying to get him to tell me or just leave for him lying?

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Asked by SabrenaLeigh at 8:13 AM on Nov. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 22 (14,998 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I would want to know what he spent the money on, I feel you have a right to know!

    Answer by michelle5971 at 8:16 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I don't think you were in the wrong.. his money is is not HIS money.. it's supposed to be used to pay bills, put food on the table, and then extras come later... I would ask also.

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 8:18 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I cannot say I blame him for not answering your texts. Honestly your OP drips of the level of over the top anger you likely treated him to. Asking to not have to have a fight is not being shady. I don't think you were wrong to ask. I do think you were wrong to jump to conclusions, be accusatory, attacking and a bit over the top. You ASSUME he spent $500 , you ASSUME he is being shady, you ASSUME he doesnt want to tell you. honeslty if someone approached ME like this, i would clam up too.

    Answer by katiPeas at 8:20 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • i'm not assuming. he told me the reason he couldnt sent me 200 so i could pay pay our electric was because he spent all his money. and a lot of the people he works with does coke and he does occasionally as well. and I do not like it! he promised me he'd never spend his money on it and he rode down in a truck with a coke dealer so..... what would YOU think. plus he told me he got piss tested but thankfully the coke was outta his system and he was clean! So really what would you think???

    Comment by SabrenaLeigh (original poster) at 8:24 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I think you're overreacting. It's his money and he doesn't have to tell you what he spent it on. Of course it would make sense for him to tell you, and it would be nice... especially since he's been telling you in the past, but he doesn't owe that to you. If you really want to know, the best time to ask is when there's no tension in the air and in the most non-intrusive manner possible. As far as trusting him, what do you think he spent his money on? A stripper? something really horrible? you just have to trust that he spent it on something for him that he probably doesnt want to tell you about.... maybe a video game? But if it's really bothering you that much, maybe you don't trust him, and if you don't trust him to that point, maybe you shouldn't be with him b/c it's not healthy to be with someone you don't trust.

    Answer by Mamma2E at 8:47 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • funny you didnt mention all that in the OP . next time give us more background info if you feel its pertinent. sounds like if you are suspecting a drug problem then its time to seriously CONFRONT HIS HINEY about that SPECIFICALLY. if you think he has a problem you do him no favors going off your rocks on him about things. you need to have a calm rational discussion including your healthy boundaries and that you wont tolerate a spouse doing drugs. there is nothing wrong in protecting yourself and your children . someone doing coke cannot be trusted emotionally, financially, physically. period.

    Answer by katiPeas at 8:53 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I would think he spent the money on Coke - I think you have your answer and him doing that is risking the livelyhood of his family and KIDS... he could lose his job, go to jail or even hurt someone while on coke and working - ( if he happens to do that too ) I would be less mad about the money and more mad about him doing coke in general.

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:43 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I am sorry but what is DF I am still trying to get used to all these abbreviations everyone uses on here. If he is your husband than you have every right to ask him about it and to know about it. If he is a boyfriend, being that you have kids together I still think it is important for you to share this info with each other if you play husband and wife you should act it (meaning him) and if he is an ex than it is no business of yours. Although if it were me I would still be upset.

    Answer by CarlieJS at 1:17 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

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