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3 Bumps

I need honest opinions please... should we give it another chance?

the story. been together 7 years. he had hid a lot of things from me. I mean we had issues he is not a bad person. sex is great but we had struggles there too. A year and 1/2 ago. He had a month affair with the ex. we have seen two counselors and we have good times. I couldnt see myself with anyone else. but he still hides things. I feel like i have to watch his ever move and says i dont need to know what he is doing. if you read a last post, he made a secret email account to email some woman , it was stupid to hide,,. any way then i wanted to talk about things and he didn't . he acts like i dont have a right to know what he is doing. especially when he is out with the guys. so later i said i wanted a divorce and things would never change, he would always just do what he wants and hide. it.. its more complicated,but i feel terrible giving up and wish i could trust him but i cant and he is gonna deploy soon , Help?

 
NaiveDream

Asked by NaiveDream at 10:23 AM on Nov. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,403 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Absolutely. But you need to learn how to draw and enforce some boundaries. Get yourself a copy of BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE by Drs. John Townsend and Henry Cloud. It will be extremely helpful to you in dealing with the issues you are having in your marriage.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:31 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • No, I wouldn't.
    ballewal

    Answer by ballewal at 10:26 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Well he's not really letting you trust him. Marriage is a 2-way street. It takes both partners to put forth effort. I don't know what to tell you sweets, I wish I had an answer. But it sounds like you are the only one making any sort of effort
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:26 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Maybe start new. MEaning don't necessarily be "together" but try to work things out. If he isn't willing to tell you what he's doing then he's doing something wrong in my opinion. MY s/o calls me more times then I care for just to tell me he's stopping at the store or they are switching bars or what have you. It's not like your being his mother your wanting to share in his life and if he has a problem with that then he is hiding something bigger. I can understand loving someone so much you don't want to lose but to feel in the dark all the time and haveto question whether he is being faithful isn't fair for you or healthy especially if he isn't being faithful. Good luck hun
    StefInfection

    Answer by StefInfection at 10:28 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Nope.. I wouldn't give him another chance! Find someone you can trust!
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 10:28 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • He can't be trusted. You've given him more than he has given you. Over and over it seems as though he hides things and just says what you want him to say so you'll keep him around. He's using you.
    I'm sorry to be harsh, but that's what it looks like to me.
    You'll be better off without him holding you back.
    RedRowan

    Answer by RedRowan at 10:28 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • wow! I feel like I just read my story. What has helped me and my husband get through things is knowing each other's love language. Read the book The 5 Languages of Love....you will be amazed at how it will help!! Here is the website you can check out www.5lovelanguages.com. Also, we are reading a couple of other books right now that is helping, The Power of a Praying Wife (Husband) and Praying Through the Deeper Issues of Marriage. Try these books and continue counselling. Good Luck! I hope things will work out for you both. My husband and I are doing great and we thought it was pointless to stay together. It will get better if you follow those books (definitely check out the love language book).

    Conley639

    Answer by Conley639 at 10:34 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Move on!
    mommyg24

    Answer by mommyg24 at 10:37 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • That is a personal decision only you can make. My opinion however is that he has crossed a lot of lines and has a history of demonstrating that he is unwilling to really change. I think you could find someone who makes life much happier. I also think some counseling would be a good plan for you to help you make the right choices now and in the future so you can have happiness and peace.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 10:47 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Accept him as he is or not. It's up to you
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:07 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

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