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First do you think my DH is being fair and second what do I do if he isn't being fair

We have a two week old baby girl. Since my husband has to leave for work at 6 am I take care of the nights, which is completely fine with me. After all I do not work. He has alarm clocks that continually go off that start at 5am and go till 6am. Since I am not getting much sleep I have asked if he would use one alarm so I do not lose an hour of sleep. And on top of it my 3 year old twins wake up at 6:30 so my only chance to sleep is till 5 am. He says he has to do it that way and I now sleep in the babies room on a futon. Does this sound fair? It would be months before I am able to sleep in my own bed where the 5 am wake up not interfere with my sleep. Is he being selfish or am I overreacting? No harsh comments, I am just asking!! Oh, my twins rarely take a nap together so I am not able to take naps during the day. It doesn't bother me at all, me not being able to sleep in my own bed does.

 
AmyLynn5398

Asked by AmyLynn5398 at 10:44 AM on Nov. 18, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 17 (3,564 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • Yes, your husband is being very selfish. Personally, I would take one of the alarms and throw it away, and tell him he's being a selfish bonehead. For my hubby and I, that would work. Maybe you could take a weekend morning and steal an hour or so to yourself in your own bed while he watches the kiddos, that might help him realize how exhausted you are. Also, just because your doctor says no intercourse, this doesn't mean that you can't have any form of hanky panky and maybe if you participate in his morning fun it will help him reconnect with you, physical reconnection usually helps a guy reconnect emotionally. Above everything else, he needs to understand how hurtful he's being, and the only way for that to happen is for you to tell him.
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 11:32 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • You are not being unreasonable. He needs to set one alarm and get his butt up with that alarm and not have the others.
    As for the twins napping.....when mine were that age (They are now 21).....while they didn't have to nap together, they did have to have quiet time together.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:46 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Honestly, I would tell DH to quit with the freaking alarms!! Be a man and get up the first time the alarm goes off and have a little respect for the mother of his children... He must not know how exhausting it is to take care of children.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 10:45 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • He is being selfish. If he really needs the alarms, HE can sleep on the couch.
    He needs to grow up and take some adult responsibility to get up when the alarm goes off!

    Your body just went thru a major change and you need restful sleep to recover and to be aware to take care of your babies. I would put him on the couch and if he doesn't go, I would physically smash 1 alarm clock. Then he doesn't have a choice. If he buys another, guess what? That one gets smashed too.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:48 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Ask your guy to compromise with you for now so that you can both get the rest needed. Once the time has passed that you need he could go back to what he has always done if he feels that is needed. Be nice, use reverse pschology on the guy and put it to him in a way were he can understand what you are needing but also keeping his feelings and needs important in the conversation. Good Luck
    Suzie2mom

    Answer by Suzie2mom at 10:56 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • suzie2mom, in what way compromise? What can I ask from him? Once I started sleeping in the other room I can tell he loves it! He said he loves the idea of not having to RUN to the alarm clock in fear of waking up the baby since he likes the alarms to beep for awhile. Also since we are not suppose to have any hanky panky for 6 weeks I am sure he is taking care of himself in the mornings. I understand, but it hurts that he doesn't want me in bed with him and would rather me be away so he can have his ideal morning!!!
    AmyLynn5398

    Comment by AmyLynn5398 (original poster) at 11:02 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • He is being a bit selfish. He isn't thinking about the woman parenting his children, he's putting himself first. No matter how hard he might think his job is, yours is still harder because you don't get a break.
    AmberLeTTeBxtcH

    Answer by AmberLeTTeBxtcH at 7:49 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • i think he is being unreasonable. having alarms going off like that at 5am would drive me bonkers. me and dh have one alarm clock and we have it sitting on the other side of the bedroom so we have to get up to turn it off. once we're up like that we can't go back to sleep. maybe try that with them. if he has to get up out of bed to turn the alarm off maybe he will stay up.
    shoot4thestars

    Answer by shoot4thestars at 9:04 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I think he is being very selfish of you and your needs. I would set down with my husband and talk to him about this.
    NevansMommy

    Answer by NevansMommy at 12:49 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

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