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My son's father....

I have a 13yr old who loves his dad..and i have no complaints really except for the fact that i live 25 minutes away and he NEVER comes to pick him up on his weekends...only his mother does...he Never calls...only his mother calls to check on him and see whats going on ...he used to call all the time years ago..now i understand he is married now and has step children but HELLO..(it is his only son).why can't he call his son or make effort to at least drive with his mother to pick him up on the weekends?he is a great dad..when he's around...my son goes on fridays till sundays and doesn't even see him till sunday he either stays with his grandmother or his step mother and her kids...i just don't get it..does anyone else understand this??My dh who has been in his life since he was 3 gets really annoyed by this and thinks he should do alittle more and we argue about it all the time...it's getting old really fast!!

 
gracelessstar21

Asked by gracelessstar21 at 10:55 AM on Nov. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 19 (7,773 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I'm sorry your going through that situation. When my parents divorced(I was 16 ) that's what my father did he felt that because he was obligated to pay child support that he didn't need to see us every weekend or call and he lived less than 10 minutes away. It all boiled down to guilt as to why he acted the same way . If he spent anytime with us alone he thought he would have to explain why things were the way they were. Some people really just don't have a clue that the actions that they think are harmless affect others.

    waitin4u

    Answer by waitin4u at 11:04 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I don't understand how you ex can be such a "great dad to his son" when it sounds to me like he's being a deadbeat making no effort to actually see him. Sorry if that is blunt or rude. But if you son leaves on Friday to visit his dad but doesn't see his dad until SUnday? Yeah, no. Dad needs to make better effort on that one.
    ballewal

    Answer by ballewal at 10:58 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I would tell him he can't have him unless he picks him up. Talk to your lawyer. If he can't take the time away from his other to come get him. Then why should he have him?
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 10:59 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I think he should step up and be a real dad to his son! I think I'm going to be going through the same situation here soon! I was with my kids' dad for 8 years (2 kids).. He cheated a lot so I finally left him and got with an amazing guy! We have been together for a year now and he has been around for about 6 years. He has been an amazing "step father" to my girls for the past year.. He treats them as if they are his own & we have a baby of our very own on the way! Well, my ex also has a baby on the way with his girlfriend. Since we have broken up, he has lied repeatedly about coming to get them and hasn't offered to help with them.. He is going to have a son next month and I have a feeling he will spend much time with him, and even less (he only takes them one night a week) time with my girls.. My SO also gets mad when their real father lies to them because he (my SO) hates to see them hurt.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 11:01 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I am sorry honey you are going through this. I think, it is nice of you to let your son go with grandma and know his family. When your son gets older, he will remember who made the effort. He probably loves grandma and always will. I hope everything gets better soon, so you don't have to argue with DH. good luck

    bratgirln1

    Answer by bratgirln1 at 11:43 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • My situation is a little different, but kind of the same in the reguards to that holding on to the idea of the father he used to be to our children. I share 50/50 custody with my ex, and neither of us pay child support. We have a pretty friendly relationship still, and split everything down the middle. Everything ran really smoothly until he got a girlfriend. Now, he picks them up late, has hardly ever had them on his weekends...he asks me if I could keep them instead....and when he does have them, he leaves them with his mother, who is not fit health-wise to care for at least my youngest, who is 3. My older kids 11 and 9 are self-sufficient for the most part, but end up being the ones that take care of my 3 year old when they are left in granny's care. It drives me insane that he doesn't spend what I think is enough time with them. I don't want my kids to grow up hating him for feeling like he neglected them.
    cnice1976

    Answer by cnice1976 at 11:46 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • CONT
    If I say anything to him about it, he says he will try to do better, but never does, or tells me to mind my own business. Well, what he does isn't my business anymore, and I could care less what he does with his time....but when my children cry and ask why he doesn't spend time with them anymore, I believe that IS my business! Anyway, I hate to say it (because I have a son too) but maybe it would be best to just let him phase himself out of your lives for good. If you have a man that is a better father to your son now, then go with it. I have a wonderful man in my life who loves my kids as his own...more so than their own father, I believe. Some men just don't ever realize what they are missing out on...especially when they have a son! Your son will have issues, I'm sure, later in life, but your ex will have no one to blame but himself for missing out on precious time!
    cnice1976

    Answer by cnice1976 at 11:51 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Then he is really missing out....and you can't make him see that..love on your son and reassure him he is not the problem...And tell your ex to man up...
    motherganey5

    Answer by motherganey5 at 5:08 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • yea i deff see your point as to how can he be a great dad when he's doing all this...but at the same time i know how much he loves his son...i guess maybe im holding onto the way he used to be with him instead of how he is now..he makes a big deal about he has to work to make surei get my child support..blahhblahhh..but come on...im so tired of hearing that crap...i just don't get why he doesn't make the effort he once did...
    gracelessstar21

    Comment by gracelessstar21 (original poster) at 11:03 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • i swear if it truly wasn't for my son's grandmother who i do get along with and always have considred her family no matter what im affraid my son wouldn't even see that side of his family...she is the one who makes every effort ..she picks him up and calls every week and ect...i just hope one day his dad will see...right now my son only see's the good from his dad but one day when he's older he'll see who made the real effort ..♥
    gracelessstar21

    Comment by gracelessstar21 (original poster) at 11:07 AM on Nov. 18, 2010

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