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I've moved on...

dh and I separated last november. Recently he's been getting his act together, finally got a job, going back to school, says he's going to quit smoking pot, all the things that I left him because. The problem is that he desperatly wants me back, and while I care about him, I just don't feel like I love him anymore, I mean he pisses me off the second the conversation leaves surface level. Is it worth giving him a second chance, when I'm not sure I can? Or do I sign the divorce papers? Oh he's also my son's father which is the only real reason I'm even considering it

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gypsymama532

Asked by gypsymama532 at 11:57 AM on Nov. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,932 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I would give it another chance. After all, this is the man you chose to marry and with whom you chose to bear a child. It could be a dream marriage, but I would not just jump back into bed with him. I would also recommend that you read BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. You need to know how to set some parameters in marriage, both for yourself and for him. The book will be a great help in doing that.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:00 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • why not give him a chance. try dating each other again.
    marinesweetie

    Answer by marinesweetie at 12:03 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • He pisses you off the minute the conversation leaves the surface level? That's not gonna make for a happy healthy relationship, sounds like you've already decided and just feel guilty because he has done all these things to win you back and is your sons father..? But that doesn't mean he is capable of making you happy, does it? I'm guessing just from the few things you've written that you've outgrown him? ..and maybe you're just a smarter, deeper person than he is..and need more than he has to offer you...be brave enough to move on and find your happiness,
    chocolatluver

    Answer by chocolatluver at 12:10 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I went back for the sake of my child with promises that things would be different too. My issues were different from yours, but I was NOT happy, and wasted another 9 years of my life. Yes, we still have a lot of good times in that 9 years, but we had a lot of bad times too, and I just finally got tired of all the empty promises, and feeling neglected, that I finally left. In those 9 years, I also had two more children, and though I love them VERY much, feel that I made a mistake going back in the begining, and feel like I have made a mess of their lives too now that we are divorced. Think of the big picture first, before making a commitment...especially if you feel like you don't love him anymore. Don't let your guilt, or feeling sorry for him weigh your decision. Make a pros and cons list. Make him date you for a while until he can PROVE to you that he's worthy of your time and affection again!
    cnice1976

    Answer by cnice1976 at 1:26 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • sometimes as much as they try and as much as you want to try to give them another chance, sometimes it gets to the point where it is just too little too late. It is great that he is getting it together and he should because he wants to for himself not to just impress you. If you think he is just doing it to get you back you know in the back of your mind it will all go back to how it was before. You have to do what you heart tells you.
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 2:13 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • "He pisses you off the minute the conversation leaves the surface level"...

    This statement speaks volumes. You're saying that he can have a general conversation with you, but deeper topics he can't handle. That's a HUGE non-step forward if you wanted to get back with him. Communication is crucial and he's not there yet.

    That wouldn't make me go back, but I'm not you.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 2:51 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

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