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My children don't like my ex-husband's gf OR her kids.

They have been together almost 7 months, and my kids (11 and 9) have known her and her children (9 and 7) for 4 of those months. They do NOT like her children (they say they are weird, rude, bossy, hateful, etc) or her (they say she only likes daddy). I have tried to explain to them that we want daddy to be happy, and her children haven't had the adjustment period they have had when it comes to divorce. They are still in the phase of thinking even though mom and dad are divorced, they may still work things out. They don't want to share their mom, or their toys, etc with anyone else right now. How can I help them to be a little more understanding of the situation, and possibly accept these other children, as well as my ex-husband's girlfriend? I just want him, and my children that we share 50/50 custody of to be happy and healthy. It was easier for them to make the adjustment to my bf because he doesn't have children of his own

 
cnice1976

Asked by cnice1976 at 12:30 PM on Nov. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 7 (174 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Sounds like you're doing a great job already!! Obviously this is a new situation for everyone involved and will probably take some time alot of work on everyone's part. Keep talking to the kids about it and maybe try to have a talk with your ex and his gf and see what they think. Good Luck!! It's refreshing to see a mom that realizes that life isn't always perfect and that sometimes you just have to make the best out of what you've got =)

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 12:39 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Does your ex realize the children do not like the gf or kids? If not I think you need to let him know there is a problem and ask that he talk to the kids about it. One thing he could do is try to plan some 'family fun days' and include the gf and all the kids and maybe spending some time together at a fun place or doing fun things will help the kids get to know gf/kids and maybe they would all like each other more.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:36 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • You need to talk to the ex and have him and the GF talk to ALL the kids. Also, you cannot force your kids to like the GF and her kids just because it will make daddy happy. It's not their job to make daddy happy and like someone just because it might.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:41 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I would talk to the ex in a non-threatening manner and tell him what the kids have told you. Please try to be nice and talk TO him, not AT him.
    heatherann0221

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 12:49 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I don't really think it's about helping your kids being understanding.....but talking to your ex and his girlfriend about the kids and how they feel and have THEM (her kids included) make your kids feel welcome. Divorce is harder on our kids than we ever think. And they can only handle so many changes at once, but if these other kids are being rude, as well as the girlfriend they need to lighten up to tell your ex that the kids just don't want to be around these people.

    In all honesty, screw keeping the peace, these are your kids and if at least 50% of their lives is spent in misery because of this woman and her kids work it out or go to court and get the custody arrangements changed
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 12:34 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • You know what, I would call girlfriend on the phone, and ask her to do something with her kids and yours, you can evaluate the situation yourself, and if she gets to know you, perhaps she will be a bit more involved with your kiddos,, I honeslty can't believe that both of you already have new relationships, this mus be super hard for you kids!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:41 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Mom2Jack04....I really do feel the same way as you, but am trying to be more adult about the situation. I feel he is "neglecting" how his kids feel, just so he can spend time with her. He has told me that her son is THE boss of that house, so I'm assuming that these kids were already like they are now BEFORE their parents' divorce. I do NOT like the idea of my children being FORCED to spend time where they do NOT want to be. I don't think the gf is mean or rude to them in any way, but my kids have told me they think that when they go to visit with her and her kids, it's so they can keep her kids occupied, while my ex and his gf can spend time together other than their "weekend off". I have brought the subject up to him on more than one occasion that our kids are feeling left out, and that he sides with her kids over ours and it's hurting their feelings. He acts as if they are dramatic, and it's no big deal!
    cnice1976

    Comment by cnice1976 (original poster) at 12:44 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • MizLee.....they have "family movie night" on Wednesdays...have for about 3 weeks now. My kids complain that they are never asked their opinion of what movie they would like to watch, or what food they like to eat. HER kids always choose, and they are told by my ex that they WILL eat what is cooked, and won't say anything to the effect of I don't like that or this is gross etc. This is really hurting my kids' feelings, and making them feel like their dad only cares about making his gf and HER kids happy. I feel this way too, but am trying to understand the situation myself. I am not a happy camper with this situation, but trying to talk to him about anything is like talking to a brick wall. Most times, it will end up in a fight, or him telling me that I'm trying to control him, or tell him what he can and can't do, or that I'm implying that he's a bad parent....blah!
    cnice1976

    Comment by cnice1976 (original poster) at 12:49 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • skittles....thank you...I am trying! This is a new situation for all of us! I honestly liked it better when he didn't have a gf! lol But I have a bf, and he deserves to be happy too. I just want my kids to be happy with his choices too. Afterall, they have to live with those choices that he makes. I just wish that he would see how his choices are affecting our children. He's too caught up in the new of his relationship to see anything else that's going on around him, and I totally understand that, but it's really starting to get frustrating because my kids are always complaining about their dad doesn't want to spend time with them anymore, he only wants to spend time with her and her kids, or when they do spend time together as a "family" my kids feel isolated and aren't being included in things like choosing what movie to watch or what kind of pizza they like...there's a simple solution...but he won't listen to me.
    cnice1976

    Comment by cnice1976 (original poster) at 12:54 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • tyfry....I see your point. I am simply trying to get my children to TRY to give her and her kids a chance. I know this is a rough transition for them. It hasn't been that long since their father and I have divorced and I haven't been around. After the divorce, I was still doing all the cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc to try to help him out, but that has phased out now that he has a gf. I totally understand that, and am okay with it. He doesn't want me around, and that's okay. It would be weird anyway. My kids, however, have been confused I think all this time, because we DO still get along (on most days) and we are still friends that help each other out in times of need. We aren't your average divorced couple! Not only are they going through the transition of divorce, but now we both have significant others already. I can just imagine what a whirlwind of emotions the babies are experiencing...hers and mine!
    cnice1976

    Comment by cnice1976 (original poster) at 12:59 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

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