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Should I punish my teen after I told her no friends, and her dad let her have friends over anyway?

Should I punish my 16 yr old after telling her no activities with any friends on a school day. I left for dinner with some friends and when I returned, there were 3 friends at our house. My spouse knew what I had told her. My spouse argued why I would punish her in the 1st place. She runs non-stop everyday and wanted her to have some down-time. Should I punish her for not listening to me or let it go because he overode my descision? He continually undermines my authority with my teen. Please advise...

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:58 PM on Nov. 18, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (20)
  • I think you should punish him first! You guys need to be on the same page or she will continue to run over you and get what she wants from him, IMO

    Answer by bjojola at 12:59 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I would punish her.. she KNEW!! Kids have a tendency to do that.. ask Mom for something and then when she says's Daddy time. Then I would have a serious talk with your SO..he needs to learn that you two are in this together.. He is on YOUR team, not hers

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 1:01 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • It's not her fault, so no, but you definitely need to tell him to stop undermining you.

    Answer by momov4kids at 1:01 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • The issue isn't with your daughter, but with your husband. He may not agree with your rules but the two of you need to at least be on the same page for every day things or you will never be able to agree on larger things...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 1:03 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • She now knows that if she doesn't get the answer she likes from you, that she can go to her dad. So yes, she should be punished a little bit. But you need to have a convo with your dh as well.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 1:03 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Nope punish him. She knew how you felt but she still had parental permission.

    Answer by bellsandheels at 1:04 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I agree with supermommy!!!

    Answer by Conley639 at 1:04 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • punish dad then her. He should have asked u anyway, then she knew better than to ask him after u said No.

    Answer by britt_howard at 1:05 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Punish him for not standing by you.... Sounds like you both need to communicate. I would suggest you try to come to a medium.

    Give her time to think but punishing her is not the solution for down time. If she is doing her work, and doing what she suppose to do then why not give her some freedom especially if it is in your home.

    Answer by KFree907 at 1:05 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Yes, I would punish your teen anyhow. She is old enough to know she should not have gone to your husband to override your decision. But seriously, you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with your husband when your daughter is not around about why he overrides your decisions. Raising kids need to be a two person affair whenever possible and you both need to learn to compromise on decisions that affect everyone. My husband was the same way and it took us several years before we learned to cooperate instead of override each other. But with work and patience, our two daughters learned that both mom and dad were consistent and fair.

    Answer by horsegal2760 at 1:05 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

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