Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I need to leave

I don't love my husband anymore, not how a wife should love a husband. I love the fact that he gave me my children and that he is trying to become a better person FINALLY. But I know that it is not what it once was and no matter what I don't think I can go back to that. For now I stay and play nice for the sake of the kids and peace. I don't wanna be the bad guy, but realistically I feel like in about 1-2 years it will be over. I have to finish school, I have to save money, and I have to figure out where we will go so it is not something I can do in haste. Am I wrong to plan my escape? I just want to do it right? I don't want to hurt anyone anymore than I have to.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on Nov. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • All people go through rough patches in their relationships. R u sure u have thought about all the down fall this will bring?? Your kids will be hurt the most. So let me get this,u want to leave because u r not happy. right? My sister left a terrific guy after 17 years of marriage and three kids! The two were adults and the other one is a teenager. One of them want nothing to do with mom. I don't know how the other two feel. Just remember there will probably be a custody battle,and visitation schedules. There is going to be alot of drama here for a long time,years!!! What about counseling?? Please message me back.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 2:27 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • ♥ ♥If you have thought this through and you know that you do not want to work it out at all and give it a second go round even thow he has suddenly started to change then you are not wrong for wanting to go...you cannot just stay with him because of the kids you have to be happy too...but dancer is right it truly is going to be alot of drama in your life between custody and everything else...i hope all works out for you try to do what you think is best thats all i can say♥ ♥
    gracelessstar21

    Answer by gracelessstar21 at 2:35 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I have thought about all of this and it really is just not a case of momma is not happy so time to buy a new model. I never in a million years expected to be where I am today. I think it is a culmination of things over the years that have gotten to me to this point. Although he is started to make changes he should have made 10 years ago, I can't help but feel it is too little too late. There was a big blow up about a year ago between us and the way he acted and things he said have changed a lot in how I look at him and I have re-assessed myself in the process and realize my life is not near where I expected it to be and I am not the same person I was a year ago, so I really feel it is almost inevitable. Do I want to do that to my kids? NO, but isn't it counterproductive for them to see there mom settle and be miserable? I don't want them to do that.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:36 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I know what you're saying, OP. I lived it to how you desribed it. I am so much happier without him and honestly, my child is doing well. He sees his dad often and that's good.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 2:46 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • You will have to deal w/custody, visitations, etc...but you will get through it. Your children will get through it (even though I wish no child ever had to), but I left after planning my escape too for the same reasons as you. Good luck momma, I'm here if you want/need to talk!
    cheekycherub

    Answer by cheekycherub at 3:19 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I don't think it's wrong to "plan the escape" at all. That being said though, let me tell you, I could have written the exact post 2 1/2 years ago. Things were bad. I needed to do some things before I could leave, save up, get ready to be able to get a better paying job, etc. I couldn't leave immediately but knew I needed to prepare. A friend, who had also been in the same boat before, advised me to do that. She said do that but don't do it because you're going to leave, focus on doing it to just better yourself for you. I kept that frame of mind and the changes that he had FINALLY began making started to mean more to me. He took on a new appreciation for the new more independent me and pretty soon our "end" had become just another "bump in the road." So yes, do what you need to do to get ready to be on your own, but if a little magic happens in the mean time don't ignore it. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.