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How to get my new husband to be to stop trying to suppot his ex-wife's household?

My soon to be New Husband is fustrating me. He pays over $1000.00 in child (4 kids)support/insurance every month. On top of that he wants to pay for contact lenses, school clothes, extra activities, a car and tutuion(when its time for college, 3 yrs). I am concerned about our financial situation. I have two kids, one in college and one in high school (who will also be going to college in 3 yrs). I do not expect him to pay for my kids college/car but I am responsible for half and my ex is responsible for the other half. I do expect him to pay for our bills. I tell him he is responsible for half of the car and college. But school clothes, extra activities and contacts are her responsilblilty. Am I wrong? Should he do all the extras? Anything the kids ask their Mother for she always doesn't have the money so then they ask him and he buys it. He tells me I should help pay when we go out on a date to help him money wis

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Asked by MonicaV67 at 2:25 PM on Nov. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • 2 things pop to mind:

    1. Alimony is a legality ( I dunno if that what he's paying for)
    2. if she has their kids, then he's being a good dad.

    But I'd talk to him about it. Let him know how ya feel.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 2:26 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • he just wants to make sure his kids are taken care of, what's wrong with that? as long as he isn't buying his ex stuff then i'd be okay with it

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 2:28 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • They are his kids, it's up to him how much he wants to spend on them. However, you should not be solely responsible for the bills the two of you share. If he is not contributing to, say utilities, then he needs to budget his other spending better.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 2:28 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • His life, his kids... You are marrying into the situation. NEVER involve yourself in matters with the ex, if you don't like, or can't deal with the situation then you shouldn't marry him. They are HIS children, and if they lived with him he would be paying out for these items, how is it any different because they do not?

    BTW- My SO and I are BOTH divorced with children, he pays out the ass for his kids WILLINGLY, and I am so proud of the fact that he does. Why would a woman, a MOTHER encourage a man NOT to help HIS FAMILY?
    Like it or not, they are his family.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 2:28 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Sounds like they have a piece of shit mom and he is an amazing dad.. I would be very very offended if my partner told me to not support my kids as much!

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 2:29 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Yes he should do all the extras. They are his kids. You should not marry him if you feel he should not take care of his other kids. I get so irritated when I see "new" wives. Get upset when the "baby daddy" does a good job taking care of his. WOW!! Maybe your jealous because your ex doesn't take that much effort with his kids. Good job to your fiancee' for stepping up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Well he should help with school clothes but not every month spending money on new clothes and contacts I feel he should help out with. Tell the kid to get a damn job for their car. Insurance I kinda understand but not if they are already out of high school. But if it is a court orderd child support then he should NOT be paying for anything else...that is what they base the child support on. My dad paid his child support and that was it unless I went over there and we went out to dinner or something like that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I would say that if he thought they did not need those things he would not pay for them. U know what u r getting into marrying him. It will go on endlessly,I would consider all the pros and cons of your situation with your ex as well as his with his kids and ex as well as how all this will effect your lives together.

    Answer by dancer at 2:30 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • poor dads can't win... they don't pay they are dead beats...the do pay they get griped at....

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • If she is taking advantage then you have a problem, if he is upholding their life style before he divorced and doing for his kids then you have to figure out a way to deal with it...

    You have to put two and two together. My x helps as much as he can, I am on my own and he supports his kids, but I would never take advantage of him.

    Is she or not... Look at the whole picture...

    Answer by KFree907 at 2:31 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

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