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Fed up with my sister but want to be there for her child, anyone relate to that?

My sister is just making some bad life choices. She hasn't done anything that would risk the custody of her son. I'm afraid it's just a matter of time though, hope I'm wrong but I'm trying to be realistic about her track record. :( Plus, who knows ALL that she's up too, I'm sure I'm more in the dark than I know. I've spoke my mind about her drama and have distanced myself. Not completely, but a whole lot. I do not offer her help of any kind because I don't want to enable her, she is old enough to get her crap together and needs to figure that out. I am starting to think though that maybe I should be going and getting her child when I can so the child can be around some positive, kwim? Just a sleep over on the weekend could make a difference to him in the long run. I don't know. Has anyone had this sort of ordeal distancing from a family member but not wanting to "flake" out on their child at the same time?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:44 PM on Nov. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • oh yes! i feel that way about my sister in law. her daughter is my niece and i would always feel that way even without it being thru marriage, she actually had her baby before hubby and i got together and she was my niece already in my eyes, i was always super close to his family since we were friends in high school. anyway my niece is 3 now and i feel so bad for that little girl. her mom made poor life choices as well.. she gave up custody of her just recently to her ex husband (the father). in some ways i know that was the best thing for my neice, her dad will care for her the way she deserves. but on the other hand my heart breaks at the fact her own mom pretty much admitted she didn't want her, and would rather party and whore around than be a mom to her kid. there's no point in distancing myself at this point, the deed is already done. she'll get her on holidays IF she wants her. sad situation.

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:49 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Yes I understand. It a tricky situation because it you always get her son then it could just give her the reason not to get herself together because she has someone to take care of her son. Then again you want her son to be around good people. I'm not going to tell you what to do and yes I've been in a situation just like that, I think you should do what you think is best. I think that with ir without her son she'll end up doing whatever she wants so maybe getting her son into a nice positive situation wont be so bad.

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 4:49 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I do the same thing. I have a niece who is 10 and take her every friday night and most of saturday and as much time during the week as I can - just to get some good influence in her life- you won't be able to take their child but you can help steer them in a better direction and have an open honest trusting relationship - she will be lviing with me by the time she is 13, even my sister tells her that -so sad

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:49 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • oh, and want to hear the kicker? sil just paid me a visit yesterday. her daughter is way up in michigan with her father. she's suppposed to be getting her for Christmas, and can have her for a whole month before she sends her back to her dad. sil told me she would only stay down her for a week, and then go back to north carolina (where her bf lives). so i said, "oh, the baby will only be here a week then?" and she said "no, ill pay mom to watch her til she has to go back to her dad". so instead of spending the entire month with her daughter, she's going to spend a week with her, pawn her off on her mom and spend the rest of the time with her boyfriend. wonderful mother huh!?

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:52 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I understand totally. My sister has 4 daughters, the oldest (now 14) was taken away when she was 2 because she was found wondering around a parking lot at 2am alone, in just a diaper, while my sister and her then BF were passed out. Later on my sister had 3 more kids, 2 of which have Cystic Fibrosis. I want to be there for her girls, but she makes it impossible. If you don't do exactly what she wants when she wants she gets hateful and mean. She blames the rest of the world for all her problems when they are all of her own making. I finally had to cut her off totally when she cussed me out for letting her know her fiancee tried to make a move on me.

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 7:11 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

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