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Do I change my rules?

My husband has a four year old daughter from a previous relationship. We have been together since she was one year old. She is aware that we have different rules at our house than her mom has at her house and does really well with it. She came home last weekend with a purse full of deodorant, lipstick, eye shadow, blush, and spray on body glitter. One of our rules is that make up is not allowed before middle school - I rarely even wear it. So when she brought it home and we told her it had to stay in the bag until she went back to her mom's house she got a little upset. Do we change our rules even though we don't want our children wearing make up this young and believe we have good reasoning for it or do we stand strong and risk upsetting her over something silly like make up? I am just worried she will some day think she needs it to look beautiful :-\

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Asked by NessGuinness at 8:33 PM on Nov. 18, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 10 (414 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Your house, your rules. But let your husband be the one who tells her the rules and makes her stick to them....

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 8:37 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • i dont knw if i had a little gurl i think i would play dress up with her and maybe use blush and lipgloss and mayb all the others but i wud let her know it was only to be worn during play (dress up) thats older ppl wear makeup outside the house. and tell her how beautiful she is without it on

    Answer by BellaDiamond at 8:38 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • well, I'd let her wear some of the makeup or at least some of the time she is with you. it may be her way of remembering her mother if she is lonely. nothing against you guys, its all she has. compromise and TELL her she doesnt need it but it can be fun, because makeup can be fun. i wear it or not, but i dont think it is bad. little girls liek that are only trying to find a role model and between your clean and fresh approach and her mom's way, she will have a good balance of roles to choose from. wearing it or not is not the issue, her self esteem is... and if she feels happy that is the main goal. boost her and dont give her YOUR ideas about makeup, she probably at that age KNOWS she doesnt NEED it, but likes it like expressionistic fun

    Answer by silverelf at 8:39 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I wouldn't change the rule.

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 8:42 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • i would not change the rules. you have them set for a reason and they're not unreasonable, so i would not change them.

    Answer by shoot4thestars at 8:48 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Don't cjhange your rules unless you have come to the conclusion you were wrong. First, trust your instincts. BTW..same rule applies at our house. Second...changing rules confuses kids sometimes. They need consistant steady guidance. It is okay that rules are different at Mommys house than at long as she follows them. As she gets older..the difference in rules will become more of an issue.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:56 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • no.... we ahve been having this prob since my SD was small. she is now 11 and still not allowed to wear that stuff at our house. it amkes me sick to see small girls with trashy makeup and smelling like the perfume aisle at walmart..

    Answer by 2boysmommy.js at 9:09 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Stay firm. There is no reason why you should change your rules because someone else lets her do it.

    Answer by sweet29mom at 9:12 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • They're playing dress up! I don't know your reasoning, but it's your house. I think it's silly, but as you said, why make her upset over makeup? Your decision.

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 9:22 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • It wasn't for dress up purposes. She wears it on a daily basis at her mom's house and she wanted to wear it at our house the same as she does there. I guess I could also mention that earlier that day she was saying she is "ugly" - this is what we want to avoid is her not being confident in herself. We allow dress up and she has a lot of dress up clothes where she can pretend to be many different things that isn't the problem, our problem is when children think they have to change their image because they feel "ugly" without the makeup

    Comment by NessGuinness (original poster) at 9:35 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

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