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Looking for non-religious moral reasons for why sex should only occur between couples who are in love.

This is not a debate post. I'm looking for honest answers. I'm looking for moral reasons to give my daughter as to why she should wait till she is in love before having sex, but since I'm not religious I can't use the "that's what god wants" argument. I'm having a hard time coming up with something because to be quite honest, I really don't think casual sex is immoral. It's dangerous and a bad idea for many reasons, but I don't technically believe it's wrong. However, I don't feel I can be quite that pragmatic with my daughter. I want her to have a sense that it's somehow morally wrong to sleep around. Please don't flame me. I realize the hypocrisy of preaching something to her that I don't believe myself, but frankly I really don't care.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:51 AM on Nov. 4, 2008 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (48)
  • If she has sex and doesn't love the man when she finds the man that she LOVES she's going to feel horrible for not waiting. Virginity is such an important thing to give away. My hubby was my first and I was his. I have a lot of married friends who didn't wait and they regret it because their virginity is something they can NEVER give the man they love. It doesn't come back after you give it away.
    MarlyeGirl

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 5:57 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • But why is virginity such an important thing to give away? I mean I'd like my daughter to think that, but I don't know how to explain it to her, since I really don't get it myself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:04 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I think you need to be honest with her. Let her know that how you feel about it, just remember in the end it is her decision. I know that my mother said "I would prefer you to wait until you are with someone that you care about and love. If you choose not to then these are the things you need to do."

    I did not wait until I was married and I do not regret a minute of the things I did. Most people I was with were people that I cared deeply about. I learned a lot about myself.

    I think like I said before. Be honest with her and tell her that losing your virginity is a special things and that it should not be taken lightly. Let her know that sex can be a wonderful thing if it is with the right person.

    Good Luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 6:26 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • But isn't the idea of sex being very special and virginity so important to give away really a chicky idea? I mean men don't buy it. I think men would prefer to have the experience of having years of fun if meaningless sex, even if it does somewhat take away from the specialness of having sex for the first time with someone you really love. Not all men think this way of course, I'm just speaking in general terms. The thing is most women seem to feel pulled towards the former belief. I think that the consequences of women feeling about sex the same way as a man, can have some pretty devastating consequences. So how is it that parents/society/whomever are so successful at getting girls to buy this belief, and how can I get my daughter to do the same?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:23 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • If you are not religious, then you need to explain about all the dieases out there, from casuel sex, all the stuff that can happen from casuel sex. Explain to her that sex is for the one you love the very very most and that that is what you do when you love them more than anybody else in the world, and that then when you have sex it is an expression of extreme love, and so that when you are extremely in love you have sex also to share a baby with the one you love the very very most!! I don't know if that will help, just thought it might give you some ideas.
    Freda01

    Answer by Freda01 at 7:29 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Not only the issues with diseases that Freda mentioned it is also a matter of self respect. To me a woman who goes out and sleeps with any Tom Dick or Harry does not hold any sort of respect for themselves. If they don't take themselves seriously how do they expect any one else to.
    Just be open and honest with your daughter. Stress that you would prefer her to wait and also encourage her to be open with you about her wanting to have sex so you can make sure she is protected by getting her on Birth control or making sure she has condoms available to her, that sort of thing.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 7:39 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • My reasoning for waiting was kinda like why just have sex? I know and understand that some can seperate love from sex but I didn't think I could. I honestly feared getting hurt by getting attached to a guy who I had sex with and him not getting attached back.

    I didn't purposefully wait till I found my husband. I just waited until I found someone who I trusted. I'm not religious and this is the reasoning I used and I'm only 21 so I'm not that far off from the teenagers. Maybe just explain the risk of diseases and getting hurt.
    purpleducky

    Answer by purpleducky at 8:12 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I guess I must have just been a hornier teenager than most. I knew it was a bad idea to sleep around, but I had a very hard time resisting the urge, and not a very strong sense of exactly why it was so wrong to do so in the first place. I'm just afraid that my daughter will inherit my sex drive and I want to give her a stronger moral base for saying no.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • the man you marry one day, appreciates so much that you saved it for him. and you erspect yousrelf so much cause you had that self control.

    not to mention as a teen, more boys will thinks she's cute and gie her attention purely ause she's the forbidden fruit so to say..the one no one can get.where if she gives it up, thats it...they will back off
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 9:20 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • successful at getting girls to buy this belief, and how can I get my daughter to do the sam"
    the afct you think a virginity is worth nothing isnt going to hepl her. cause she's going to pick up on the same, kids follow your esxample, not your words.
    and some guys DO appreciate knowing they were the only one to touch you and have you. its not about some belef to buy in, if nothing self respect. why sleep around with meaningless men just to risk std's or early pregnancy? get her one ofthsoe fake babies for a week, they ahve to take care of them , and it gets graded, if she doesnt respond to cries it marks her down etc. on the computer. self respect and worth is not a belief, its something over time you earn because you had a moral code you held up to.
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 9:24 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

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