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Am I being biased?

I have friend who is engaged to a man who has a 2 1/2 year old with his ex. They (he and his ex) worked out a schedule for visitation and child support that they were both happy with and didn't have to hash it out in court (though they did it through court mediation so papers were signed and it is court ordered). He is paying $175 more a month in child support then he would otherwise have to and pays allomony (which he wouldn't have had to in court and instead of every other weekend, they agreed to every Sat (all day) and every wednesday (because this is when his ex works). Well, my friend told me that she doesn't like the schedule because they can't go out sat nights because the mom doesn't pick up till 9pm (as agreed upon) and she doesn't like that he pays extra money because she feels it should go to them (she is planning a $25000 wedding that he is paying most of). She has been trying to convince him to take his ex to


Asked by JLS2388 at 10:04 PM on Nov. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (13)
  • What matters most is that the mother and father are happy with the agreement that they have. Does she know how RARE it is for that to happen? She may not like how it is but she is going to have to get over it or find another man who doesn't give a shit about his children. She should be proud to have a boyfriend who is that involved in his childs life to do that. Most fathers just want the bare minimum.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 10:21 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • She needs to quit being so selfish.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • If she thinks the child cuts into "her" time with him, then just wait until they're married!

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 10:16 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I do not think that you being a single mom who receives child support makes you biased in this situation. I agree with you, it's none of her business. What kind of woman encourages a man to stop being a good dad, and do as little as possible for his child?

    Answer by Krysta622 at 10:42 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • Yikes! If she is marrying a man with a child, she needs to respect the care arrangements made for that child. If she doesn't, not only is she compromising a child's happiness for herself, but she is going to be viewed as the evil stepmom. If she's not happy with the fact that a dad's first commitment should be to his child, now is her time to back out and find a guy with no responsibilities but her, because this situation is NOT going to go away once they get married.

    Answer by Freela at 11:19 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I think your friends fiance' should run, run very fast and very far away from her. She is either going to cause unecessary strife between the parents or home life is not going to be very pleasant. Run, Forest, Run.


    Answer by vannahs at 1:13 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • court so that he gets her the "normal' every other weekend, doesnt pay allomoney and pays the bare min for child support, even though both he and his ex are happy with the arrangement. She asked me what I thought about that and, even though she is a good friend, I told her to butt out. She knew what they agreed to before she started dating him and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to be with him. She is mad because she says I am biased since I am a single mother and I get child support (though I get the bare min.) I truely think that she dosn't have to right to try to convince him to change what the PARENTS agreed upon. The schedule cuts into her social life but it is a way for the child to always be with one of her parents instead of going to daycare when her father would LOVE to have her (he is off work both of those days btw) and the extra money helps provide for the child's life. What do ya'll think?

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 10:11 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • get it settled in court

    Answer by QandA at 10:15 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • well it is court ordered, they went to mediation through the court and decided their own schedule/ child support amounts. Court mediation is a way of getting a legal agreement but giving the parents total control of what is ordered.

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 10:17 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • GoodyBrook, that is how I feel. She doesn't like it because he usually only has off on sat and wednesday so she feels like the child is taking up all his days off BUT that is how it is when you have children.

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 10:20 PM on Nov. 18, 2010