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3 Bumps

How would this make you feel ?

My son has a son with a nice girl... she is a nice girl but it is really hard to understand her...

She is 20 years old and my son is 22 ( my grandson is 9 months old) .. My son has a good job and got thema house... After she had the baby she started going to school and got a job. I offered to keep him while she is gone but she wants him to "socialize" in daycare ( and that is what her whole paycheck goes to) ... That was hard to get over but I guess I am adjusting to it because they are his parents ( my son isnt too happy about that though)

She is acting like she is a spokesperson for not getting pregnant now.. I mean I understand he wasnt planned and put a strain on her plans but she actually said he was a mistake and that she never wanted kids until after she was 30..

Also the fact that because she wont marry my son yet ( she says she will after she sees where her carreer will take her) *continued*

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:16 PM on Nov. 18, 2010 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • No one on here should dictate how a mother and son relationship should work, its personal to each mother and son. You have a perfect right to talk to your son as your son has a perfect right to talk to you about his problems. Yes I believe he has every right about how his child should be raised esp if he is helping to pay for her upbringing. But I do agree strongly with the above posts that say you can not really get involved directly. You can offer advice and guidance but its your son who will ultimately be making the choices. He needs to find out exactly what rights he has and quick.
    MumaSue

    Answer by MumaSue at 8:51 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • WOW- i would be Upset too! i could understand him going to daycare if he was a little older to socialize but, that is Crazy not to let you take care of him & use her whole check on daycare- She sounds Very Selfish & Controlling- it might be a Good Thing for them not to get married right now; your son needs to Stand his ground with her- I'm sorry she is acting like this to you- i am sure she has hurt your feelings but, i don't think it has anything to do with with you- just control........

    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 10:37 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • I think your son made a mistake with this girl, obviously. Now the ball is in his court and he is a grown man. You need to step back and let them sort it all out. I understand your concerns, and I agree the baby would be better in your home than in a daycare. However, this girl does not appear interested in marrying your son, unless she can't do better on her own. Yes, she is using him like a doormat but he has to be strong and stand up to that without his mother . Hopefully he realizes how he is being used.You need to let him make his way through this and it sounds to me that he might lose the girl and the son to some degree, but it might be worse if he stays with this person. This is a sad situation anyway you look at it for the innocent baby.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 2:20 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • If I am understanding this correctly she is controlling. I never understood these types of young moms. Your son has to stand up for himself. She didn't have this kid all on her own. He also needs to make sure he has legal rights to his son. I see this getting very ugly. He needs to find out what can be done legally to make sure he has his parental rights and dump her. So what if she threatens him. And you can be upset about it all you want you just can't get involved. I for one would take my son to his grandma so they could spend time together regardless of what was going on with his dad and I. I don't understand why thats a big deal. Just advise your son but keep out of being in the middle of it all.
    cuteness13983

    Answer by cuteness13983 at 3:29 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I think part of this has to do with her age but it's sad that she thinks daycare is good for him. If I was a working or schooling mom instead of SAHM, I'd much rather have preferred to leave my baby with someone that loves and cares for him since I couldn't (or wouldn't). Since it sounds like your son is not fond of the daycare situation either, see if he can work out a compromise where the baby is in daycare part time and with you part time. I don't think it should matter where her career is headed before she makes a commitment, either to your son or even to mothering her baby. I'm in my 30s and probably my views are as "old fashioned" as some would say but I stick to them and always think my kids come first.
    oahoah

    Answer by oahoah at 12:02 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • A child is never to old to go to their parent for advice. If she won't let him make decisions as a father to that baby you should advise him to find an attorney. Both of my children were unplanned but I would never in a million years call them a mistake. I just turned 19 two days before my wedding and was 3 months pregnant walking down the aisle. My next is due this Dec. I had to drop out of nursing school because she implanted low and my body attempted to abort her, so I couldn't physically do the clinicals. Do I blame that on the baby? No. Do I want to be a stay at home mom? No. But I can pick up where I left off when they're both in school. My son was in a daycare type place and was constantly sick. I would have jumped at the chance to have a relative keep my child instead of at a daycare. Sounds to me like she's just holding that innocent baby above your and your son's head.
    Oktobre

    Answer by Oktobre at 2:11 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • and she is a "single" woman ( she SOMETIMES wears the ring) ... she acts like my son doesnt have a say so in what she does with the baby ( which is why he is in daycare, and she wont let him play with "uneducational" toys)

    She says she wont be treated like a woman from the 50's but I think she is taking it to serious... I understand she wants a career and a life of her own and that is good... but I dont know it just bugs me so much...

    My son makes more than enough to support them all but she works the job just so he will be in daycare because she thinks it will benifit him !?!?!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:19 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • My son has tried to bring it up to her and she uses the excuse that since they are not married he has no say so with HER child... but she is the one who wont get married...

    My son is a doormat and she knows this and is using it against him with the baby... My son comes to me and I dont know what to tell him....
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:44 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Ok that was cold. Mama, all you can do is keep encouraging him to be a great Dad BUT he does need to have a say in HIS sons well being. I too would want my child in daycare some of the time but if I had a loving grandparent that was excited to step up and help with the baby I would love it. Unfortunately my inlaws and my parents did not want to watch our children ever. Offer to keep the little one for them to go out for an evening or something like that. Most parents would jump at the chance for a loving grandparent to help them out.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 1:50 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • As for her not wanting to get married right away until her career takes off is a good thing. Do your best to compliment her and him as parents and let her know you admire her as a woman. It will all work out, it will just take some time for your sons girlfriend to be comfortable.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 1:56 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

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