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my husband left me after 17 years 4 another women,will this loneliness last long?

My husband moved in with his lover. we have 3 kids , he left a month ago and his first overnite w kids is this weekend at his girlfriends and his home. I am very lonely and it keeps getting worst. My husband and i met in grade school and got married in high school. I must have fool on my forehead because someone from the past quickly ran to my side and said sweet things , and then decided that he would recant and stay with who he was with 4 now. This person has been dear to me 4 many years and always said he would run to me if ever. we shared alot of the same dreams. Actions speak louder than words. he says he cant leave the one hes with out of quilt and the hurt he would cause but he will eventually,tells me to wait and have faith.Now my heart is broken more. I have never been alone and dont know what im supposed to be doing. I have very few family and friends. I guess my question would be what now?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:16 AM on Nov. 4, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I can't say anything that will fix this for you. I'm very sorry for the pain you must be experiencing. All I can think of to say is that maybe this is an opportunity to build a life around what YOU want and need and are capable of. Most people want companionship, it's true. But perhaps now you can focus on giving love to yourself, and seeking love from yourself, instead of relying on others for love. It can be a fabulous thing. If you can be your own best friend, lover, and companion, then nothing in the world can keep you down.
    BlueFrogMama

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 8:38 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • the longer you dell on it the longer it will take. it is HIS lose.
    madcat500

    Answer by madcat500 at 8:43 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • What have you been doing for YOU since you've been married? You mention your husband and some other "man" who says "just wait for me". You don't mention sisters freinds, co-workers,other church members, "real world" club members ( not club members here is cyber space) OMG its gonna hurt, but its kinda like, well kinda like being constipated and then relieved. This too shall pass, no pun intended
    Star419

    Answer by Star419 at 8:46 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Oh I forgot, been there too...twice, actually working on my third time, maybe next time I'll get it right, who knows, stranger things have happened

    Star419

    Answer by Star419 at 8:48 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • The death of a marriage is like any other death. You have to have time to grieve. The friend who stepped in for a brief period would have just been a rebound person and it wouldn't have worked bc of the circumstances plus stealing someone else's h bc someone stole your's isn't the answer. Sorry, but that's truth. You DO need to be alone for a while so you can find yourself. You have been an extension of him for so long you probably don't even know who you are and what you have to offer the right man when he comes along. Take a class. Join some real life groups. Have some fun. Find your interests. See what life has to offer and blossom into the You that you need to be to find joy and happiness. It can happen. You are just in a serious grief stage now.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:27 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • What do you want for your life? Why would you consider a man who is already taken? It broke your heart that yours left you. Don't repeat that misery. Stop! Decide what YOU REALLY want. Don't know? Time to explore! Explore your faith. Develop your relationships that exist. Take a class. Get involved in your community. Step outside your circle to discover your strengths and build yourself up. It is up to you to decide and make yourself happy. I have decide to be happy in any circumstance. I create it! You can too.
    onlycathyo

    Answer by onlycathyo at 9:29 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • time...it will take awhile. dont go for a rebound guy...try to find things that make you happy. focus on your kids, they are hurting too. find a good hobby that can let you express yourself. its hard. i cant imagine if i lost my husband, but you ahve to be strong for the kids and over time, it wil lheal...and he will probably regret it if this is just some fling he got into with her, mid life crisis maybe
    moki1984

    Answer by moki1984 at 10:22 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • now is the time to focus on yourself. Do what the others have said and join a club, reach out to others in your community, take a class for fun, visit the elderly in the nursing homes or in your church and if you don't go to church start going to church. don't sit at home and dwell on the past wondering what when wrong. move on with your life and before you know it you will have a life so full that you will wonder what took you so long to get to this point. no one should build their life around one person
    avonbooklady58

    Answer by avonbooklady58 at 10:25 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • How old are your kids?
    K_Coleman

    Answer by K_Coleman at 7:48 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

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