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Is this a phase with my 3 yr old?

She has a true strong personality. Whenever she does something wrong and gets sent to timeout (her room), she taps me on my wrist and goes, "dont ever ever do that again" and runs off to her room. This is her way of having the last word or talking back at me, I guess. She stays in timeout for the entire time, its just this thing she does. It IS rude, but should I ignore it, or put her in timeout longer? She does it when she gets upset and about to have a fit also. Please advice.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Nov. 18, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (10)
  • I would be on the fence with that one to, if you draw too much attention to it shes going to think its funny and continue to do it. But on the other hand if you never tell her what shes saying is wrong she doesnt know NOT to say it again. I wouldnt freak out REAL bad over it (I used to tell my mom she was being disobedient lol words from grandma at that age)....I would tell her that if she continues to talk back she will have a toy taken away or sit in time out longer! and go from there..

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 11:58 PM on Nov. 18, 2010

  • my dd did that and shes 13 now and still does it. it kills me. my 4 yr old is now also doing it. so when he does it i get to his eye leval and say listen u were bad or misbehaved what ever it is and u are in a time out so go to ur room and when the timer goes off u can come out he normaly shakes his head in agreement and goes...but from time to time he will stomp to his room saying im mad at u now momma...but thats it. its a rough age terrible 2's monster 3's and horrible 4's is what i call it of luck mama. xo

    Answer by tabbys4 at 12:00 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • My son now 5 used to do things like that. He was just upset I know but I just told him that it was uncalled for and I did not appreciate him acting like that. (Yes I used the big words like that, he understands words like that REALLY well) And he just stoppped.

    Answer by JuneBug1985 at 12:05 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I think it may be a stage. I would be strict with her though and tell her thats not nice to say.

    Answer by sstepph at 9:27 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • My son is 3.5 yrs and whenever he feels like he does not "deserve" a spanking or time out he says,"You really hurt my feelings." Then I feel bad, but we do not tolerate being disrespectful. The other day we were out eating and my husband told him like 4 times to sit and eat his dinner, instead of trying to play under the table at the restaurant, then he said, "This is your last warning (we do several warnings to make sure he knows he completely understands why he repeatedly disobeyed and why he will get a spanking) he then said back to daddy, "I'll just take you and spank you." So needless to say that back talk was worse than the actual disobedience and he got spanked. By the way, we do not spank on bare bottom, and when we can take away something he likes instead, we do that. It is a phase and it should be dealt with.

    Answer by meg4763 at 9:52 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • It's when she's disappointed or just been reprimanded? Hmmm... it could be a stage, but that doesn't mean it's one that passes left alone. I would also ask, though, is this something you say to her when you're upset with her? Do you reprimand by saying "don't ever do that again?" Perhaps step 1 is to find a new way to address the issues. eg I want my 6 & 8 yr old to listen to our rules but in reality I know they're going to mess up from time to time. ;) I tell them, "I know you don't like this rule" or "I know you forgot the rule." Then I say "Listen, we have rules for a reason. If you want to ignore them or me when I remind you of them, fine, but then be prepared to deal with the consequences." As much as I want to say "don't ever again.." I know I'm setting us all up for disappointment in doing so. ;) Because, at some point, no matter what I say, they're going to trip up. ;) (cont in next post)

    Answer by ldmrmom at 12:04 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • But back to your question itself. Personally, I'd take hold of her hand just before she taps- not roughly but firm. I'd get eye level with her and say, "Excuse me. I am the mother. You are the child. This is not acceptable behavior. You do not talk to an adult like this." the next time it happens, issue a consequence with it. Don't grin like it's cute. Be firm and be serious.

    Also, though, give her acceptable words and actions to express her frustration, disappointment, whatever it is. Give her the vocabulary to tell you whatever it is she's trying to communicate right now in a way that *is* acceptable. It's ok to say things to her like "I know you're upset that you've gotten in trouble. I don't like it either, but if we don't follow rules we get in trouble." When mine were old enough to make the connection I'd explain speeding tickets as a "even grown-ups have rules and consequences. ;)

    Answer by ldmrmom at 12:09 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • idmrmom, could not have said it better myself. I agree 100%.

    Answer by salexander at 1:50 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I agree with idmrmom

    Answer by Ashlynnsmommy07 at 12:46 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • idmrmom said it perfectly.

    If it helps, my 3 1/2 year old does this too...I realized she was repeating things *I* would say: "Don't do that again" etc. I've had to rearrange my OWN thinking and vocabulary to address it. It's still in the early phases so here's hoping it works =)

    Answer by mainemusicmaker at 5:54 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

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