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4 Bumps

HOW SHOULD I FEEL ABOUT EX-HUSBAND?? DEAD!! adult content

MY HUSBAND WAS LOOKING THROUGH THE PAPER YESTERDAY AND SAW MY EX WAS DEAD!!! HE WAS IN THE DEATH NOTICES!!!! I HAVE FEELINGS OF RELIEF AND ANGER! WE WERE MARRIED FOR ALMOST THREE YEARS!!! DURING THAT TIME HE WAS HEAVILY INTO DRUGS AND ALCOHOL!! HE WOULD BEAT ME ALL THE TIME!!! DURING THE MARRIAGE,I BECAME PREGNANT,HE GOT ANGRY AND PUSHED ME DOWN THE STAIRS AND I LOST THE BABY!!! HE SAID HE DID NOT WANT KIDS AND THAT I WAS TRYING TO TRAP HIM!!!! WE WERE ALREADY MARRIED!! WHEN WE WENT TO BED HE HAD A LOADED RIFLE BETWEEN US!!! HE TOLD ME THAT IF I TRY TO LEAVE HIM HE WILL KILL ME!!! MY DAD TOLD ME THAT AFTER THE HELL HE PUT ME THROUGH,I SHOULD NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT GOING THERE!!! I KNOW HE IS RIGHT!!!!
I FOUND OUT THAT HE IS BEING CREAMATED. (PUT IN AN OVEN TO BURN). NO GRAVESITE. THE NOTICE SAID THAT HE HAD BEEN WORKING FOR CEMETARIES FOR YEARS!! HIS JOB WAS A GRAVE DIGGER AND PUTTING PEOPLE IN THE OVEN!!!

 
dancer

Asked by dancer at 11:52 AM on Nov. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 27 (31,218 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • what kinda drugs are you on??? calm down. we all know what cremation is. wow............................if you are asking if you should go to the service then no, you shouldnt. you have moved on with your life.
    mamagee1218

    Answer by mamagee1218 at 11:55 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I can only tell you how I think I would feel.

    If I had an ex husband like the one you have just described.

    I honestly wouldn't feel a damn thing if I found out he was dead. My reaction would most likely be "And..............".. That would be about it. He wouldn't have been worthy of me wasting feelings on him alive, he damn sure wouldn't be worthy of me wasting feelings on him dead.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 12:14 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I disagree that you should "pay him a last respect". Really? The guy abused you and threatened to kill you! He didn't respect you, why the hell does he deserve your respect simply because he died. If it were me, I wouldn't feel anything. It sounds like he's been out of your life for a while, so there'd be no relief. No sadness given the way that he abused you. No happiness, because I can't really celebrate a person dying. There just wouldn't be anything. But that's me.

    Actually, I take that back, I'd be thankful. Thankful that I got away from this man and had moved on with my life and that he hadn't killed me while I was with him.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 1:55 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Some of the replies surprise me a little bit. I would say since he was such a monster to you, you don't have to feel obligated to go. That being said though, he was part of your life once and if you feel the need to pay him a last respect, go. If it were my ex, I would go. I don't love him and sometimes can't stand him, but would definitely go.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 12:16 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I would not go, after all it sounds like he put you through it would be best just to leave it in the past.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 11:55 AM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I wouldn't care if my ex died
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:02 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I agree with @rio burb....its well known that he hurt you real bad...but where is the forgiveness. Forgive this man so he can move on with his life whether its hell or heaven. You attending will not determine where he will end up at but I would at least go to make sure that his ashes will even up with someone in his family.
    mom42107

    Answer by mom42107 at 12:33 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • shay - if your ex husband dies then your child will get social security benefits instead of child support. (and generally the SS benefit will be higher than most people's child support, but that's just general terms)
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:06 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • if my ex died i would only show to his service to find out who was gonna be paying his child support
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 12:10 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I am interested in the phrasing of the question... how 'should' you feel? What's 'should' got to do with it?

    You may find that you get some... erratic... responses to your questions if you keep capitalizing everything, as it is considered to be shouting. The 27 exclamation points add to that effect.

    There is no worldwide 'normal' for funeral rites, so you might find it easier to avoid accidentally offending people by using 'I prefer' or 'I'm used to' other rituals rather than implying that there is anything wrong with cremation.

    If you find that you become obsessed thinking about him and your life with him to the point that it's interfering with your ability to function in life (or in your current marriage) it would probably be a good idea to talk to someone about it.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:10 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

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