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How do you help a tenderhearted girl deal with mean girls?

My daughter is 9, she has the most tender heart. She would never think to say to a friend anything that would hurt their feelings. Yet these same girls tell her "they aren't friends anymore" or I'm never talking to you again" or "do what i tell you or we can't be friends". I know this is probably just a phase the other little girls are going through, but how do I explaine this to MY little girl when her heart gets broken?

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mammabowen

Asked by mammabowen at 10:44 AM on Nov. 4, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (7)
  • Gosh, sorry to hear that dilemma(sp?). I have 6 daughters and went through some of that to. I basically sat my daughter/s down and told them this..There are going to be mean people to you and what you have to do is...when someone is mean to you..DONT RESPOND to them, act like what they said to you is nothing, don't show emotion because that tells the other kids that it hurts your feelings and they will keep on being mean to her. If she just walks away or doesn't respond then these girls just stop doing it...it's no fun for them anymore. I don't know if this will work for you daughter but it did for mine.
    stayhomemom22

    Answer by stayhomemom22 at 11:03 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I just love little tender heart kids..their so sweet and it's sad that some kids can be so mean. I've also told my girls if you see someone being treated mean or made fun of...go be friends with them or stick up for them, because their mom (me) was picked on to and it didn't feel good. My girls did that and were proud of themselves. Hope she feels better soon.
    stayhomemom22

    Answer by stayhomemom22 at 11:03 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • O and you know how you've heard about those killings in schools? My girls would hear about that stuff and that's when I told them that, that is why they should be nice to others. Those kids who killed people in schools most of the time got picked on or made fun and that is why I taught my girls to be nice to everyone so that things like this don't happen. Ya know? To me I think what I taught my daughters was a good thing and it helps.
    stayhomemom22

    Answer by stayhomemom22 at 11:06 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Tell your daughter that she is wonderful and beautiful inside and out. Tell her that being a female isn't easy. Tell her that these girls that are constantly bothering her want her spot. Your daughter is a leader and these girls are viewing your daughter as a threat honey! Your daughter has alot of power. Tell her to never be afraid to speak her mind on any issue that she doesn't agree with from these girls and stay fabulous. The power is in her hands. Use it.
    laffytaffy970

    Answer by laffytaffy970 at 7:18 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Tell her that Christ is her best friend. He will never betray, judge or leave her. Through Him she can have the strength to stand tall and proud of her character and actions. My youngest daughter has fewer friends that my middle daughter because she's more shy. But her discernment is great. She has made friends with the most unlikliest girls, just because she was willing to be nice to someone who wasn't in the "in" crowd. Your daughter's personality may not warrent her being ever in the "in" crowd like my youngest, but she will aspire to have truly great friends, not supperficial ones.
    Issamom

    Answer by Issamom at 7:54 AM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • Being in the military our kids moved around a lot and had to fit in whenever we went to a new school. This happened to my daughter when she was around the same age. We talked about how important it is to make lots of friends so that if one group "turned" she'd have another group. She didn't want to be friends with those kind of girls anyway because you never know when they'll leave. So she went about finding new friends. She joined the swim team, (outside of school) Started playing an instrument which boosted her confidence quite a bit. Both these things gave her a group to fit into everytime we moved. I hope your little one gets through this okay. It really hurts to watch your child go through this and your first instinct is to wring those mean girls necks. Just let your daughter know she's better then that and help her find other groups. Good luck.
    musicmom747

    Answer by musicmom747 at 2:30 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • IDK - I have been having the same problem with my girls for a couple years. 3rd grade seems to be the worst.
    My oldest is in 5th now, and she deals a little better with it. Unfortunately, mean kids are going to be around. Even my kids can be mean sometimes. They all can.
    Try to tell her that maybe they were having a bad day, and didn't intend to be so cruel to her. Or maybe they are just mean kids. If the same ones keep upsetting her, she needs to let them go.
    3gymnastsmom

    Answer by 3gymnastsmom at 9:47 PM on Nov. 9, 2008

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