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Have you ever been in a domestic or sexually violent relationship?

How did you get out, or have you gotten out?

Answer Question

Asked by 35yoamom at 4:30 PM on Nov. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 20 (10,016 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Never.

    Answer by older at 4:32 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Yes I have been in a relationship where we were both violent. I was 15 at the time when I was violent with him. He later was violent with me. I cleaned up my act on my own and sought out help because I had very serious anger issues. When he became violent he went to jail, he just didn't seem to stop on his own. Now he is still on probation and goes to this Men's group, gave up alcohol, and weed, He has gone above and beyond in order to change, and I am very pleased to know that he has. He is a great father, and has been learning how to redirect his anger. We got back together and had 3 children. He looks back at that time and feels ashamed, as do I, and if anything, it has been a great learning lesson for both of us.

    The one thing A counselor told me is "If he isn't willing to change, he won't" and it is so true.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • i was in a brutal relationship.and i saw my kids affected by it.and that was it for me.they will never change.and if they hit u once.he will do it again.its a never ending cycle.think this way theres to end up or dead.good luck.and god bless u

    Answer by mwood108 at 4:36 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • well the very first step to getting out is to make a report. when it happens call the police. let them take their pictures and PRESS CHARGES ! they will refer you to whatever local battered womens shelter is available and when they do i would advise you to call them and arange to go there. womens shelters are typically a secretive place. the only way to know where it is is to live there. he would not be able to find you. they will do everything they can to get you on your own feet, my 1st husband was this way and i finally called the police only because he took to many pills after locking me in the room for hours. they came and took pictures of my bruises, took him first to the hospital so he would not die and then to jail. and got me to a shelter that paid for me to move back to oregon from washington. good luck to you or whomeever you are asking for.

    Answer by cassie_m at 4:39 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Awesome info Cassie. Unfortunately when the abuser is also a police officer finding a secret place can be difficult

    Comment by 35yoamom (original poster) at 4:44 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • then i would most definitely call the police.. let his buddies know he likes to beat his woman.. they wont stand for it.
    I was in one.. both verbally and physically.. (my daughters sprem donor) when it was just me.. i didnt know how to get out.. didnt WANT to call the police and get him in any trouble.. when i had my daughter he was gone FAST.. he was gone within the first month.. and it only took that long because we moved in with my parents so he wasnt as bad but sitll was abusive.. then he was gone and the divorce was finalized when she was 5 months (and thats only because i had to come up with the money to pay for it.. then have it typed up.. then he wouldnt go to sign it.. ) i got out because my daughter deserves better and i didnt want her to think that it was ok to be treated that way.. i never got the courage to call the police. (i wish i had.. for serveral reasons) but i got out. she saved my life :)

    Answer by Ross2010 at 10:18 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • No, thank God. The first marriage ended because I noticed he started to drink too much and with that came a change in attitude. I tried to talk to him about stopping, but he wasn't interested. I could for see it going in that direction, so I walked.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:54 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • It took nearly being killed to get out. When I was in the hospital, I went in under an assumed name and informed the nursing staff of his name and physical description. When I got out of the hospital, I left town, took none of my belongings, I seriously rode a Greyhound bus for seven hours in a hospital gown to get to a safe place I thought I wouldn't find me. Well, he did find me, several months later. I had to see him off my property with the help of a 12-gauge shotgun packed with rock salt and a large well-trained protection dog. I did end up having to shoot him that night, square in the ass with two barrels of salt. He tried to press charges, but the case was dismissed when I showed the photographs of what he'd done to me.
    And what had I done to deserve nearly being murdered?
    I asked him to help me with the dinner dishes.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:24 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

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