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Buying Christmas presents and not knowing if my stepsons will be here?

I've started buying my christmas presents early this year and I'd like to start buying for my two stepsons that don't live with us, but we don't know if they'll be here for Christmas or not. Chances are we won't know until the last minute. Now we always buy them some, of course and send them, but I don't like to send too many that way because their family actually gives the boys' things to the other kids, cousins and such. My husband is hurt because I've bought for our three kids at home, but not much for the boys yet and I don't know how to help explain my feelings to him. I love my boys, but I can't see sending tons of presents for other kids to destroy... am I wrong?

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Asked by BabyLove1982 at 11:13 AM on Nov. 4, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • I understand what you mean. I have custody of two of my nephews and aren't sure if their parents will get them back by christmas or not. Their mother has been known to return gifts given to her boys for things that she wants. So do I buy them a bunch of things and have them not be able to enjoy them?? I guess I'm thinking that I can't bear the thought of them feeling slighted for christmas so I'll buy them and if they end up back with their parents the items can stay here for them to play with when they visit. Maybe you could do the same. Buy them gifts and then just have them stay at your house for them to use when they are with you. It's sad that we even have to think about this stuff.

    Answer by mrswright1170 at 11:21 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • well, i think you husband want to see how much u care for kids by give them gift of love. family can have alot joy, care, happy and love. if your two stepson not show up but u still have give him gift. Your whole family will be happy and so was you. feeling your husband heart and try undertsand.

    Answer by whoishotmama at 11:28 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • The word DISTROY leads me to believe there is more than one reason you dont want to send gifts.That there has been some hurt feelings exchanged.Christmas isnt about what will happen to the gift you give its about giving the gift.If its about money there are ways to buy alot for a little.But these are his children treat them the way you would want him to treat yours.

    Answer by fearful5 at 11:30 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I've tried buying things and keeping them here for them when they come. They live in Colorado, though and if they don't come for Christmas, we don't see them except in the summer. They tend to outgrow their gifts if we get a lot of things and keep them here. Then I feel horrible about that too. The thing is, if they are here, I don't want them to feel slighted because the other kids have more presents, but if I start buying a lot for them and they end up not coming and I've got all these gifts sitting here that if I send to them, they probably will only receive a few of them and the rest will be handed out to their cousins, as if they were bought for them. The boys don't even realize we bought them presents sometimes. It's just a horrible situation and it's driving me nuts, not to mention putting strain on my relationship.

    Answer by BabyLove1982 at 11:31 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I see what you are saying, have you thought about buying them thier gifts and only sending them a few and then giving them the rest when you actually have them visiting with you?

    Answer by BabyBeans0506 at 11:40 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • no i agree with u i wouldnt want to spend money for other kids to destroy what u paid for. my mom had issue with this. she would buy stuff for my nieces and they the next thing u know their cousins(sis in laws side) would be wearing it or they'd break what she bought so she stopped doing it as much. and buys things leaves them at her house or dresses them in it when they come there

    Answer by blueeyed4505 at 11:52 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • explain it to him!he probably thinks you dont see them the way you see your kids!like their his not yours!and maybe buy them things and keep them at your house!the boys could get them when they come visit next or they could stay there for when they are at your house!

    Answer by mommydabbs at 12:11 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

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