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How do you cope with life when your children aren't talking with you?

What can I do about my 17 year old daughter? She moved out to live with her dad ( again) a couple of weeks ago. She was at her brothers house and had sex with his friend. It was her first time. she had only spent time with this boy for one night. My son was the one who told me and he even told me graphic details about what had happened. I was not very happy. I asked my daughter to come home, and she wouldn't. Now she moved in with her dad and his wife, and Neither of my kids are talking to me. My x-husbands wife says I am not a very good mom because i wasn't very supportive. I can't sit down and talk with my daughter about any of it because she won't talk to me. What can I do? I feel so alone with out my children. Help!

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Asked by heidisue at 11:43 AM on Nov. 4, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (10)
  • People keep on telling me that she will come around and talk to me eventually. It's been 7 years sense my daughter talked to me...I don't know what to tell you..It's hard to handle. I know I am their myself


    Answer by louise2 at 11:48 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • First of all block out whatever your ex's wife or anyone else has said about you. Only you know what kind of a mother you have been and only you know how hard you have tried to be there for your children. A lot of time our ex's will put thoughts into our childrens heads (so wrong to do) but they don't realize they are just harming their children. As far as your daughter and what she has done..there is nothing you can do now, she has already committed the biggest mistake. If you are approaching her in an angry aggressive way she will not listen, and she probably knows your upset, but if you want to get through to her she needs to know that you really care and want to TALK. I'm sorry you are going through this, but you definitely need to figure out why your kids are being this way, and try to fix it. Good luck I wish you all the best

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • You let them know you love them and that your arms are open (assuming that's the case) then you let go. They will come back or they won't. I have a son who disappears for months and years at a time. I can't change it. I can't affect the situation in any way. So..I do the best i can. I keep busy. I take care of my responsibilties...and I pray, a lot.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 12:37 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • As a mother we care.We dont always respond as we should.Because our hearts get in the way.It dont make us bad mothers.To our children however letting them go an allowing them to grow up an make their own mistakes is tuff cutting those apron strings.Hardest part of being a mother is knowing we can not protect them any longer they wont let us.Wait it out stop trying an she will come to you in time.Maybe after she is found her self in a bind.Dont be to hard on her or yourself.An as for the new wife forget her.She shouldnt be talking to you an dont confide in her she isnt your friend.

    Answer by fearful5 at 2:22 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Sometimes you just have to allow the kids to come to you. I'd call her or email her or communicate in some way that you are there for her if she needs you and let her make the next move.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:51 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I can sympothise with you. My oldest (now 31) stopped talking to me at the age of 23, because I would not allow him to bring girls into my home to sleep with them and they spend the night. Im old fashion, I feel that it is disrespectful. Im a single parent , then & now, with 3 other children. He married the girl i banned from my house for parading around my home in his shirts with nothing else on and nothing left to the imagination. Now my youngest son, (turned 18 - 6wks ago) has decided that the rules does NOT apply to him, and brought his girl home to spend the night. I objected, he left! My girls dont have a problem with the rules (23 yrs & 13) both still live at home, all go to school. College & jr. hi! Oldest married, college educated, nice home and good job of 7 years. It hurts, but they have to find their own path i guess, what else can you do?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:31 AM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • Tell your husbands wife to kiss your butt. Don't listen to her, she has no idea.
    Just let her go for a few weeks. my 18 ds moved out angry at his dad, I have noticed if I don't call him and try to force myself on him, he calls me after a while.

    Answer by njt320 at 6:30 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • I am there,my 22 yr old son hasent talked to me in 3 yrs,he did not want to follow simple rules.He now lives with my ex husband im saddened,but i have to inforce my rules. I hope he grows up some day and realizes im there for him and i love him..Youre daughter will hopefully do the same.Its hard but keep youre distance for a while.You colud even give her one last phone call to say I know you are angry right now,i love you and when you are ready to talk I'll be here for you.then keep youre distance for a will feel alittle better know you left the door open.i feel youre pain good luck

    Answer by lifeisgood176 at 12:22 PM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • When they see you living your life they will start talking! They will want some of that energy. Don't feed into the negative stuff that children and grown people say and do. Keep going. Live harder!

    Answer by QueenAdeela at 9:15 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • I'm in the same boat. My 18yo dd hasn't talked to me in over a year. It's hard because my mom was the one that co-signed for her apartment. The last straw was when she brought drugs into the house and I called the police. She spent 4 days in jail and then grandma came to rescue her. I'm the bad guy now. I have pretty much gotten over feeling bad.

    I think we all are pretty great parents. We love our kids and give them all that they need and most of what they want, but in the end they are going to do what they're going to do. I think peer pressure is bad and a lot of kids are going to give in to look cool. It sucks, but eventually they have to grow up and take responsibility for their actions.

    Answer by prkingham72 at 5:51 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

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