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5 Bumps

Loyalty and Privacy - Thoughts?

How do you separate loyalty to your friends and keeping their lives private? Meaning, let's say you find out that your friend's wife is having an affair. Do you tell him that his wife is cheating or do you let him find out on his own? Do you drop hints or clues?


Asked by _Tam_ at 10:20 PM on Nov. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 30 (42,083 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I would tell. I would want someone to tell me. If I found out a friend knew and didn't tell me, I would cut them out of my life after a nice tongue lashing. That would simply be more betrayal than I could bear, that insult added to the inury inflicted on me by the cheater.

    Shame on you all!


    Answer by yogapantz at 11:10 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • I would never tell him that she is cheating, but I would have a little chat with her to let me know that I know. Marriages are difficult enough without deliberately being the bearer of bad news. Let her know where you found out about it and let her know it's only a matter of time before it gets to her husband...maybe it will prompt her to 'fess up on her own.

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 10:23 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I agree with Goody. I;d never tell him but would let the wife know I know.

    Answer by MumaSue at 10:43 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • ’·’·.¸ஐThats really tough...i think i would let the wife know that i know and she should do the right thing and either end her marriage or try to fix it..and i wouldn't want to get too involved with telling anyone anything..then you would be put in the middle for knowing this or knowing that...good luck

    Answer by gracelessstar21 at 12:03 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Seriously, people?!?!  You wouldn't tell your friend he's being cheated on, or you would end the friendship rather than be a decent human being and let him know what was going on?!?!  WTFudgesicle is WRONG with you people?!?!?  Would YOU not want to know if one of YOUR husband's friends knew he was cheating on YOU, and didn't tell? I think you would be livid, hurt, and betrayed.  It's wrong to cheat on someone, not only for all the obvious reasons but also because if the cheater is not using any kind of protection, lives could be ruined. As in, the cheater passes along something to your friend like herpes or HIV. 


    Answer by yogapantz at 11:09 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Personally, when I have to be put in that position, it's time the friendship ended.

    Answer by m-avi at 10:25 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • very tough question thats for sure!! for example if one of my girlfriends know that my man is cheating on me and they dont tell me i would be livid ! because my man could easily bring home HIV to me 'their friend'. i think that would change our friendship big time. i know its not an easy situation but i would prefer know than find out the hard way after i get positive HIV results from the doctor.

    Answer by maya123 at 10:41 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I told my friend his wife was cheating. He already knew though.

    Answer by kaysha at 11:18 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I'd stay out of it.

    Answer by zboys at 11:36 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • There are some things that are better left unsaid. This is one of them. Let them find out on their own (odds are they may already know), after they eventually find out, they will need someone to talk to, just be there for them.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:05 AM on Nov. 20, 2010