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My family seems disinterested in things that are important to me. How should I handle it?

I'm at every sporting event, holiday concert, homeroom activity, office dinner, etc. for everyone in my family and with a good attitude (no matter what my day is like or how i'm feeling) but I'm an artist and participate in 2 shows a year. Once in autumn and once in spring. At each event, my children complain the entire time and/or my husband comes home from work grumpy (and makes me very aware of it) and then complains (at my show) about how tired he is. It does not seem fair and i feel that i'm very supportive of everything my family does. Getting very annoyed by the whole thing and thinking about doing these shows by myself from now on. Also, I typically win some type of award at these shows and my husband never says a thing, not even congratulations.

Answer Question

Asked by Aun1 at 10:57 PM on Nov. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (24 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I would "share the joy" for a while... When you know you have a show coming up, or right after for a while stop being so gracious at their events. Or simply tell them you don't want them coming if they are just going to try and bring you down. You may have to go without your family once or twice, but chances are they don't see how their negativity is affecting you - so show them!

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:00 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Honestly, I would stop inviting them. It's too bad your family can't be supportive but it sounds like they just bring you down. Maybe you should find a friend to invite next time around, maybe you will have more fun. (c:

    Answer by scout_mom at 11:00 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Are you supportive of your family because you find it valuable and rewarding or as some kind of 'trade' for them to be supportive of your stuff?

    When you have a one-sided contract that other people have no idea what the terms are, you are setting yourself up for tremendous frustration.

    Do what you believe is valuable and rewarding TO YOU. Everyone else is.

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:03 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Thanks for the helpful insight. I do give my time and attention freely, without strings... partly because I want to and partly because I feel that its the right thing to do in a family/marriage dynamic. Isn't there a quote that states: You get out of a relationship what you put in. ??

    Comment by Aun1 (original poster) at 11:11 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Talk about it with them. Perhaps you could include it in your list of things you are thankful for during the holiday next week. Something like you are thankful that you are able to share in their lives and experiences.
    Try to do it in a non-blaming manner. Tell them that it is something that you need.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 11:12 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I understand this. Your husband is self-centered to some degree, he should realize that everyone needs some time to themselves. Two art shows a year are not too much too ask.

    I also get something else, wouldn't it be nice if he could share your enthusiasm and just at least *try* to pretend to enjoy the show...for you? Nope, sorry but he is a man. They don't do that.

    Think about it, honestly they drag us to sporting events, bloody movies, etc... and we smile and smile and smile. Ask a man to go to a musical, romantic comedy or a dance recital and it is like you are asking to perform a root canal, later you wish they had stayed home in the first place because they complain so much. Men just don't "accommodate"...okay most men anyway.

    So, buck up, this is all you. Find happiness in your art and your ability to do what you love.Tell hubby you'll do it on your own next time, but in turn, he has to lose the negative attitude

    Answer by spottedpony at 11:24 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I ran out of space! I used to show dogs...had the 2nd best dog in the nation at one time too. Always wanted my husband to come and see how much fun it was, how great HIS dog was (yes I showed his dog without him!) But he would gripe, look at his watch and basically appear to be quite miserable to the point I stopped asking him to attend. And it got a lot better, not having to worry about him AND the dog! He did appreciate the awards I won, but I really wanted him to be there and support me and it just was not realistic. Like I said above, I understand . Oh, and did I mention that I went to almost every single soccer game his team played? Yep. I get it! So, cut him loose and just enjoy YOUR day to shine : ) Good luck!

    Answer by spottedpony at 11:31 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • It sounds like you're saying "I do this for you, why can't you do this for me?" when they may not realize you are doing it just for them. Would you feel less put out if you attended fewer of their events? You don't have to go to EVERYTHING to be supportive. And different people feel supported in different ways. Maybe you would want your mom to be there, cheering on the sidelines at every game, but someone else would feel just as supported by their mom asking interestedly at dinner about how the game went.

    Answer by SWasson at 7:43 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

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