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3 Bumps

So I guess, that just because I am a 19 year old mom, I need a job?

I am happily married to the man I have been with since I was 17. We got engaged when I was 18. We are all about family, even before we became one ( we are both very close with each others families), we both believe that it is better to have a family now and then to have "our time" when our kids are grown and we can actually enjoy "our time" .

We were engaged, had the date, the place, the dress, everything... then I got pregnant. I would have been 7 months on our wedding date and I just didnt want to get married while that noticably pregnant ( plus I wouldnt have fit into my dress). So we just did a quick little wedding with close family ( and will do a renewing of the vows and reception for our 5 year ) ...

I am a stay at home mom, my husband has a wonderful job ( that his dad and grandpa worked for too ). We have a nice house that we just bought, we both have 2009 autos, and our daughter can have anything she could want.

We are happy, but I understand that EVERY marriage has a 50% of working out.. that is true wether I am 19 or 40 . If that would happen I would do as any stay at home mom would have to do to make it ( get a job, sell stuff, etc) ....The same as if he would lose his job...

Now we had this thing where I live where they were interviewing women and basically having a setting of teen moms to tell their story ( I guess to get other teens not to become teen parents) ..

I understand that most teen moms would not be / are not as lucky as I am , that they would have to struggle .. but that doesnt mean i should have lied, does it? I am proud of who I am and what I have done, even before I became a mommy I knew this is what I wanted.

Anyways, after the telling of our stories there was a part where people could ask us questions and such... I had a girl tell me that I should get a job because my free ride could be over at any minute... and there was a group around her who clapped when she said it... Of course i thought it was rude, but I just replied how I did above... that any stay at home mom, wether they are 19 or 40 would deal with it in their own way and that every marriage has 50% of working...Her "rebuttle" was that i should get a job so i wouldnt teach my daughter to become a teen mom ..... Do you agree with that ?!?!?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:15 PM on Nov. 19, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (41)
  • Hon, by the time I got to the end of your question, I had to go back up and start all over again, because it's wayyyyyy toooo long and I forgot what you said. After reading again, I am still trying to figure out WTH you are trying to ask. If it's should you get a job? Well, you are only 19, chances are at some time in your life you are totally going to need to at least have some type of skill, so maybe a part time job would be good for you.


    Answer by anony-mous at 11:20 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I think if your husband is able to support your family without you working, then there is no reason for you to go to work. I will say that you may want to consider going to college, just to have something to fall back on in a worst case scenario, and Im not talking about divorce. Dont listen to those women. A lot of women just dont understand what it is like to actually have the support of a husband who values family above all else.

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 11:21 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Well, she was very rude about it but she does kind of have a point - what happens if something happens to your marriage? to your husband's income? And I'm assuming that a nice house and 2009 autos probably mean a big debt load, on a single income, at that. I obviously don't know you and your husband, but statistically, people who marry that young don't have a good chance of making it work. Of course, I hope that's not the case for you, but it's just a CYA, ya know?

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 11:21 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Who cares if you have a job? If you are able to be home with your child & your husband is able and willing to care for you financially, then why does it matter? Do what's best for you & your family and ignore jealousy...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:23 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • NO!!! This makes me so angry that people judge stay-at-home-moms! I made a life-altering decision to stay home and will NEVER regret it. I know a lot of Moms who chose their careers and have their children in daycare and they always say (when they're much older) that they wish they would have at least stayed home until they were in Kindergarden. It is those friends of mine who encouraged me to stay home.

    Sweetie, please hold your head high and be confident that YOUR decision is YOUR decision and you will never regret staying home. I never bash working moms...they make their choices to what best suits their families...some husbands don't want their wives to stay home because they don't make enough. We are super lucky we have that luxury and all moms-whether or not they live in a 6 bd house or rent an apartment-should respect their fellow moms AS LONG AS IT IS IN THE BEST INTREST OF THE CHILDREN. You go, girl!

    Answer by Tylersmommy35 at 11:24 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • actually the dicvorce rate has changed to 43% and is steadily decreasing (couples are more likely to seek help like marriage counseling)... i am a young mom 24 and was engaged at 18...we didn't get married until i was 3 months pregnant but were together for 8 years prior...i am a stay at home mom and proud of it...when someone says you should get a job tell them you have one and it's taking care of your child and keeping your used to be normal to get married at 18 and have children young...don't let anyone get you down

    Answer by ericswifey247 at 11:24 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • It is wonderful that you can afford to stay home, and that you chose to be a teen mom. I think maybe you should look into getting a skill or something just in case your husband does have problems. You know how the economy is these days, you can't be too prepared.

    Answer by sweet29mom at 11:25 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Honestly I think people should mind their own business. I had my older daughter at 16 and my younger when I was 21. I have been a sahm on and off for years (I worked with the schools a few years before deciding to homeschool our girls). I am still married to the same man and I plan on staying that way. I'm so sick of hearing people say that young marriages won't last. It's crap. We have been married for 15 years and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. All marriages take work, and some people are too lazy to invest that into them. Kudos to you for standing your ground and being an awesome mom!


    Answer by scout_mom at 11:25 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • You have all of your eggs in one basket is the problem most people see. Get some good life insurance so if something were to happen you wouldn't be stuck with no skills and no money. You husband should have some on you too because well daycare is expensive and all the other things you do. I would agree that having some kind of skill incase something happens is really just a good idea. At some point also your kids will be grown what are you going to do when they are at school. To me I would go crazy, I am a stay at home mom but I am now a student because I couldn't imagine just sitting around all day, I will admit I am not the housewife type though.

    Answer by daisysrdeadly at 11:27 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I was a teen mom at 19 as well. I am now 34 and have 4 beautiful children with my DH who is my high school sweetheart. Now I don't condone having children at such a young age, but if it happens you have to take responsibility for this new life that you are bringing into this world (which you seem to be doing). I have been a SAHM since my first son was 6 and I have had my share of negative people telling me that I should get a job (including family). What I noticed was that my children did better in school and were more well-behaved than the moms who worked outside of the home. And that was from my experience. I'm not saying that "working Moms" kids are terrible. I just think that you have to do what is best for you and your family, and if staying at home works, then go for it! If you change your mind, you have plenty of time to go after whatever it is that YOU decide. Don't let the negative attitude of others make your choice.

    Answer by mamax4our at 11:28 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

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