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2 Bumps

Dealing with overbearing sister-in-law

My sister-in-law is single, in her mid 40's, with no particular hobby or passion about anything. She's said that she wants to devote her life to my children (3 and infant). She means well, but often times I wonder if this is a selfless or selfish act. My issue with her is I work full time, she works a very flexible schedule. Often times she'll go pick up the kids from school (without consulting with me first, just with my husband/her brother), bath them and feed them. Granted this makes my life easier, but this is when I get to bond with them. Recently she started to even request accompanying me or my husband to the kids' doctor's appointment. Saturdays, she's always calling to see what we are doing. I feel like it's we've become her social calendar. She's extremely sensitive. On top of that, my husband is only off on Sundays, my sister-in-law and/or my mother-in-law are ALWAYS interested in what we are doing on weekends. How do I cut them off of our live a little without seemingly to cut them off completely? HELP!!!

 
Olivia4116

Asked by Olivia4116 at 11:49 PM on Nov. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,351 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Hey, can you send her over here next week? LOL

    Ok, make a family calendar...do it on google and have her on the schedule too. I think it is self serving but she is also helping you. I wouldn't like it either. But the help can be GREAT!. So, tell her that you and hubby want to be more organized, appreciate ALL her help (be sweet ) and want to be sure that she is scheduled so that things "don't get crazy or overlap with all of the adults taking care of the kids." Can you give her a day to do the meals and baths, like Wednesday? Call it auntie____ day, and honor her! Tell her you don't want to wear her out or take advantage so one day a week.. And explain that some nights you do want to spend some alone time with the children...say "the children" not "my children"...keept it neutral. Then clearly mark "date night" or "family night "on weekends you want for your family. Mark a couple weekend evenings "hubby family" night.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 12:06 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • She said she wants to devote her lfe to your children? Creepy.
    mommytoJames512

    Answer by mommytoJames512 at 11:51 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Why doesn't she volunteer her services by working in a daycare or babysit for someone else? Ever heard the expression, "too close for comfort?" I think this fits well. You shouldn't have to tell her everything you do, you are an adult and are capable of handling things yourself. As far as her wanting to go to the doctors appointments with you, it might be a good idea to tell her that you would rather do it alone that way you can give the doctor your attention where it needs to be. It's confusing enough with your kids, the last thing you need is another person with you. Just tell her that you know she means well, but you would like to keep the visits simple.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 11:58 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I would tell them STEP OFF and get a life! Tell them to go help children who actually could use the help and that you will see them when it is convinient for YOU not THEM!
    mamax4our

    Answer by mamax4our at 11:52 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • I would distance myself from my in-laws. I try to anyway, it just makes my life easier.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 11:59 PM on Nov. 19, 2010

  • Spottedpony has a great idea there!
    skitNbearsmom

    Answer by skitNbearsmom at 12:09 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • I feel so much better by reading all of your comments. I thought I was the ungrateful b0tch...it's good to hear someone else feels my pain. My one additional comment is my husband is extremely close to his family, so I'd much rather resolve this as diplomatically as possible. Should I just start listing excuses on a note pad and use them? If I had know what I know now, I think I would advise myself not to marry my husband, even though I love him dearly. His family is just way too invovled in our life.
    Olivia4116

    Comment by Olivia4116 (original poster) at 12:13 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • LOL ...Spottedpony, THANKS! I could rent my sister-in-law out by the hour. For the entire weekend, I can give you a discount. All kidding aside, that is really great advice. I think I will follow your advice.
    Olivia4116

    Comment by Olivia4116 (original poster) at 12:18 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Gee, I guess you can tell that I have a little experience in the overbearing, freakishly controlling in-laws department?

    The schedule works, but hubby has to stick to it...they might try to sabotage it. If so, then you draw the line in the sand (and maybe not being so nice this time) and hubby has to do that too. They will pout and cold shoulder if it is "non-in law night" just ignore it and it gets better. Believe me, I have done a lot of lines in the sand, so you can too. You have a right to say "no" sometimes to the clan.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 12:30 AM on Nov. 20, 2010