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Concerned about my sister's oldest daughter who is 10 adult content

I live in Michigan, sis lives in Florida. Well it has come to my attention that my niece was possibly been molested by my sis's b/f. Awhile back like maybe 6 months or so liz (niece) told her teacher that her mom's b/f took her pants off while she was sleeping and touched her. This was brought to the dcf people attention and a investigation starts. Well my sis apparently somehow was able to get liz to say it was made up she lied. Well dcf told my sis while the investigation was ongoing, liz couldn't/shouldn't have contact with the b/f, So instead of sending him packing, she sent out my niece to our brother's place with his fiance. Ya good job sis, good parenting! Well the dcf found no physical evidence, so my niece had to go back. Shortly after that, she was yanked out of school and was being home schooled. Our mom died last month on Oct 2nd, and I know that it not only devastated all of us, it really rocked my niece's world too. Mom had her for the 1st 4 yrs of her life, and then my sister lived with mom for a long time after that. Basically all of liz's life she was with grandma. The trailer my sis lived in has a really bad roach problem, there was 6 adults living in a 3 bedroom trailer, and 4 kids, 3 of them my sister's 1 of them was with the other roommate. Kids were sleeping on wooden floor, it used to have carpet on it. The kids take turns sleeping on the couch and the floor. Now the trailer has no power, and my sis is staying with some other people. My brother has complained to dcf numerous times with no results. They either can't do anything or will not. Is there other options I can take. I have been in my niece's shoes, and there is no way in hell is this going to continue if I can help it. Why hasn't dcf done anything? Cause there was no physical evidence? The word of a 10 yr old is not enough? Sis refuses to take her into counseling claiming liz wasn't opening up to them. "Then they must not be doing a good job, take her somewhere else" I told her with no results. I am aware that 10 yr olds are capable of lying, but about being "touched"? What reason would she need to feel she had to do that? Is the anything I can do since the system seems to be letting me down?? I need to get her out before its to late, please advise!!~

 
Michigan-Mom74

Asked by Michigan-Mom74 at 12:30 AM on Nov. 20, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 34 (66,351 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • Is there any way that you could offer to give your niece a vacation? If you decide to do something like this, make it sound like it is a gift to your sister, that she needs a break, whatever you think would make her say yes.

    I would just start gaining your sister's trust, so that she might start telling you things she knows. Also gain the child's trust, so that she can confide in you. Send her letters of encouragement, but without mentioning anything that would make her mother look bad. Let her know you care and that you are always available. Letters can be a very powerful tool in a child's life.

    I would also document every questionable thing you come accross.
    Somehow let your niece know how to collect evidence or document stuff secretly. Let her know that calling the police often is probably the only way that she will get out of that situation.
    squish

    Answer by squish at 3:57 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • I just noticed you said the trailer has no power. CPS can take the children for that if there is no heat in the winter time.
    mommytoJames512

    Answer by mommytoJames512 at 12:49 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • I would be very concerned about their current housing as well. Maybe you can call the Sherriff and ask them to do a "welfare check."
    mommytoJames512

    Answer by mommytoJames512 at 12:33 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • I have, and they told me just because the house is dirty, and no it is filthy, and they are in no immediate danger, its in dcf hands. I told them about the molesting allegation and once again they told me if dcf showed no immediate concern and was no physical evidence, then "its out of our hands" and she said while she feels for me her hands are tied. Why does it seem lke dcf only cares after the child is dead or real seriously injured, it pisses me off.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 12:45 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • When sis got her power turned off it will cost approx $785 to turn back on. As I last heard, my brother said she and the kids are staying at a friends house. But I know they will not be able to stay there long. I do not know how long they can stay there. The one thing I am worried about is if and when the kids are taken, I do not want them put into the foster care system, I rather they stayed with my sister before that happens. The Florida foster kids program really sucks and its bad. My bro can take 2 of the younger kids. One is Nick and he is 6 yrs old and Haleigh who is 4, then there is Elizabeth who is 10 yr old. Liz has alot of behavior issues, mostly because my sis just doesn't seem to care. I know what is wrong with her and I know I can help her and give her peace and she can have her own identity and develop he own personalty. Like I said I have been there done that, and have a real good life right now.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 2:09 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Would it be possible for the girl to come stay with you? Maybe you could offer to step in as her temporary guardian for a while since (and this is how I would word it to your sister) "there was trouble because of her allegations." Your sister chose this man over her daughter once and that says she will do it again should the instance arise. It's unfortunate but DCF is WAY overloaded and unfortunately they can only help those who seem to be in the greatest need. Plus, to be completely honest, you don't want your niece in their custody anyways. Children in foster homes have a 1 in 3 chance of being abuse in one way or another, which generally isn't better than where they come from. While it IS unfortunate, that's just how it works. There are MILLIONS of children in the system and WAY to many to place in homes, so they do have to push cases aside even if they want to help.

    cont...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 2:10 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Honestly though I think your best option would be to open your home. Have the girl come stay with you for a while. It may take some convincing, but it may also be the best way to get to the bottom of what happened with the BF, and help this girl in the long run. It sounds like the girl needs a stable environment and she isn't getting it. Though it may throw your life to the wind, it may be the only way to save her...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 2:13 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • That is exactly what i want, but I do not know how to go about it. I agree with u 100% about the system!! It does suck,and the workers are very overworked. I don't want the kids to go into the system. I thought if they do, then my bnro and I can step in and gain temp custody. I do live in michigan, and they live in Florida. Would that be a problem?
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 2:16 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • And yes, many 10 year olds will lie about abuse - sexual or otherwise. And I can tell you from experience, therapists do no good at that age, because most of the time the child doesn't trust them. I know I never did. I lied through my teeth just so they wouldn't find out what was really going on or so they wouldn't tell my mother what I was thinking/doing. At this point in her life the girl needs stability, but she also needs attention & love, and if she isn't getting positive attention she's going to come up with ways to create negative attention... Including fabricating stories - although I'm not saying she is. I'm simply saying it's not uncommon.

    All in all the best option for this child is to get a break from her own life. And at that age it takes an adult who is willing to fight FOR her for her to get that...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 2:18 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Have you talked to your sister? I would skip the system, talk to your sister. Tell her you want the girl to come live with you for a while. Tell her after hearing about "how hard she has it" you felt having one less child could help her situation... And I would mention to your brother about doing the same. IF she willingly gives you guardianship the paperwork can be drawn up by any attorney and signed by the both of you anywhere. Please excuse this but your sister sounds like a very selfish self centered person, to me anyone who would choose their BF over their daughter does. So I would use that... Act not as if you are tying to help the girl, but as if you want to help your sister... You will get further that way...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 2:21 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

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