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2 Bumps

Sharing Details with our children

Should parents be sharing details about their relationship with their children? I mean like when they fight or don't like the way their spouse is acting?

I have a woman who's telling her childen that they're dad's having an affair. Is that something a child needs to deal with? What do you think?

At what age, if ever is it to be a childs business what goes on between a husband and wife?

Answer Question
 
Prayerpartner

Asked by Prayerpartner at 5:22 AM on Nov. 20, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 20 (10,072 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I think it's a fine line. Our kids (now teens) know that they are important - that there are 4 of us in our family, and that none of us are more important than the others. HOWEVER - there are only 2 people in our marriage, and neither of them are named B__ (ds), or A__ (dd). Our marriage is between my dh and I - nobody else.

    BUT - our kids do know that there are times we're irritated with each other, and times that we disagree, I think it's healthy for them to know this, because it's important to know that in adult, loving relationships, people are going to sometimes disagree, and that's ok - it doesn't mean the marriage is over. You work it out, compromise, forgive each other, etc - and what you should and should not put up with in how a spouse treats you.

    They also know that we will discuss it and work it out between us - usually in private.

    kwim?
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:40 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • I think it is better that the kids hears from his mom that his Dad is having an afffair than hearing it on the block from others. It is a fine line to have honesty with your kids and some privacy in your marriage.
    mom2priceboys

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 5:44 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • at some point the child does have some right to at least basic information if their parents are going to be splitting up. I still don't know what happened exactly with mine, I got two different tales from each parent, and may never know exactly what happened.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 6:01 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • I think there needs to be restraint in what parents tell their children about their relationship. Tell them too much, and it puts them in the middle of something they're not capable of handling and have no control over.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 7:16 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • I think it depends. If there is a rational expectation that the kids will either learn about it elsewhere or if the situation is going to affect them, they should be told. If mom is telling the kids about dad's affair as a spiteful way to get back at him for the hurt caused her, then it's not the best idea - particularly if there is any hope at repairing the relationship later on.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 8:26 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • They are the kids. No we shouldn't tell them every little thing that is going on. A parent should be able to balance what the child should know and what should be kept to themselves.
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 9:05 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • This is a matter for the mom and dad to hash out and not to involve the kids with. I don't care what age they are, kids don't need to have to deal with a parent's indiscretions.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 1:37 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • I think that it depends on the age of the child, if they are old enough to understand I think they have a right to know the why behind the breakup, otherwise it will be harder for them to understand and deal with it.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:39 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

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