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mother inlaw issues

In my family it is tradition for everyone to only have one stocking - at their home. My mom knows not to have a stocking for my son but my MIL bought one anyway. I'm pissed because I already told her not to get him a stocking -that it was my job as mommy to do that. She didn't tell me she got the stocking - she called my mom and my mom told me. So how should I deal with it when she brings it over on Xmas Eve?? I do not want this to continue. It may seem like a little thing but it means a lot to me. It's like I told her no and if I don't say anything then she thinks she can do whatever she wants in regards to my son. thanks for the advice!!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on Nov. 4, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Sometimes you just have to pick your battles, because otherwise you'll just wear yourself out. Ask yourself how detrimental this extra stocking will be to your son, your family in general, and your values. If it's really nothing but a power struggle, then let it go and save your energy for the big fights, like not making him wear his seat belt or something. If it's really something important to you, then you have every right to speak up. Just explain why you feel this way, and ask her if she would please respect your wishes. If she still does it, get tough if you have to, and flat out give it back to her or donate the stocking to a secret santa program or something.
    mamapotter

    Answer by mamapotter at 1:28 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I think she was trying to be kind, and really didnt think that more than one stocking was an issue.
    You have to keep in mind, you can't go with just your traditions....you have two families to accomodate.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • What is the frigin big deal....
    so she has a stocking for him...petty
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • these are the little things who creat problems with in laws. let it go and just enjoy the holidays. we women tend to be too sensitive sometimes and make big issues out of small things.
    nora17

    Answer by nora17 at 1:05 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Sadly, I have an overbearing mother in law. I don't know if that's what you're dealing with but if so sometimes you just have to pick your battles. Perhaps she's not doing it on purpose to overstep her boundaries but just trying to be nice. If you bring it up to her it could either go one of two ways, she could get hurt and offended by you asking her not to do it or she could be nice about it and not bring the stocking. Either way it sounds like drama and nobody needs extra drama at Christmas. :) It can be hard to blend traditions with in laws but compromise needs to be made for the kids sake.
    mrswright1170

    Answer by mrswright1170 at 1:08 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Have your husband talk to her, that's what I'd do. He can just say "i know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but we were clear that we only wanted 1 stocking and we'd rather you not bring yours, too. It means a lot to my wife. If you want to treat him while he's at your house or on another holiday we appreciate the thoughtfulness, but we really only wanted one stocking." That should do the trick. Don't back down, if you let these things go, sooner or late you're going to let bigger things go, too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I agree with mamapotter.You have to pick your battles.What diff does it make how many stockings he gets.Its a gift from her an if she loads it up be happy for your kid.SO he can have 6stockings its a gift.You cant tell some one else what to buy as a gift.YOu are suppose to except a gift with a THANK YOU an not be rude.An if you look at it this way you an your mother in law will do better.You cant pull power struggle every time she wants to be a good grandmother.Ask your self who is this going to hurt an why???? Then say is it worth fighting her over or is it just me wanting to control every thing or her.If its her an you are mad she wins.If its you you are cheating your kid
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Graciously accept it and set it to the side and load your son's stocking that you bought him. I'm sure she's not trying to change your traditions, just trying to do what she thinks is best. Talk to her about your feelings, or have your dh talk to her. Just try not to step on her feelings. I also agree that you have to pick your battles. This may not be something you want to divide your family with. I understand how important your traditions are to you. Maybe that stocking can be only at grandma's house? That way, she can still have it for your son, but it will be his special treat at christmas over at her house... just a thought...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I have an even better idea.... how about you let her contribute to the stocking there at your house? That way she gets to be a part of it.
    It's hard when two families with different traditions come together. Kids aren't nearly as dumb as people give them credit for, and they wonder how come Santa or the tooth fairy come to more than one house.. (apparently the toothfairy drops money off throughout the day since that's what happened when my dd lost her tooth that morning and spent the day with a family member and didn't even take the tooth till that night when she was asleep in her own bed and then she came and dropped some more money off, try explaining that one)
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 2:11 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • While it sucks that she went against your wishes, maybe she has her own traditions, and why should she have to change her traditions but you don't? This sounds like a pretty little thing to get into with your MIL, I'd let it go! My son will be getting a stocking at our house, from my MIL, and anyone else who decides to give him this GIFT. There's the keyword: you can't tell people what to give you, sorry!
    KatieCrandall

    Answer by KatieCrandall at 2:44 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

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