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2 Bumps

Should I still feel like I have to do what he wants??? (slight language!)

So, I am now divorced, recently. throughout the marriage, I was always the one that worked and brought home a paycheck...never a problem for me. And I don't like to be mean to people, so, when we divorced, I ended up with the house. I told him he could stay at the house until he found a place to live and a job....as long as we can get along. apparently in his mind getting along means we still have sex---daily---and if I don't want to, he gets it anyway, I have to tell him where I am going and when I will be back. Not allowed to go out without him, etc. etc. I don't think I should have to do this, but he says that's the deal, trying to get along, so I tell him if that's the way he feels then he needs to move out. to which he says you're not holding up your end of the deal--you said I could stay here til I get a place and a job...I feel like he is more controlling now than before the divorce!!!! Any advice???? Oh, and I'm scared to death that with his abusive history if I fuck up he'll make me pay for it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Nov. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • This is the craziest thing I have ever heard of.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:53 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • So you got rid of the marriage paper but you are still married.

    I would get an order of removal. It is your house and he is an unwanted guest.

    You do NOT have to have sex with him, You do NOT have to tell him where you are going, You can do ANYTHING you want and it's none of his business. He is a room mate. Other than picking up after yourself, you don't have to do HIM any favors.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:55 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • This seems like a no-brainer to me, but if you need to hear it, I'll say it. Tell him to get the F@$* out. If a restraining order is necessay, then the phone # is 911. Good luck to you, but no point in being the only one being nice.
    DMac08

    Answer by DMac08 at 9:55 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • um..no..He needs to be put out. and if you need a officer escort then so be it. and I would tell him that no 'getting along' means no fighting and living like roommates NOT husband and wife.
    lovemybaby283

    Answer by lovemybaby283 at 9:56 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • OMG well first if this is the way you two are going to live you may as well have not gotten divorced. I would make him move our regardless of having a job or not. For him it sounds like he knows that he can do whatever he wants and you will always go along with it. he is walking all over you. Kick him out and if you have to get a police or court order to do it. get protection from him even a restraining order if you have too. You know by letting him be there "until he gets a job or finds a place" means he will never get a job or find a place EVER!! He knows all he has to do is make you believe that he is "looking for a job/place" and that you will let him stay.
    CarlieJS

    Answer by CarlieJS at 9:56 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • its your home call the cops have them take him out you need to control your life again u left him for a reason u have been way too nice to let him stay there if he hurt u physically in the past even more reason to start new and please get the cops to help men like that that feel in control wont take no and honestly its time to think of yourself even if that means kicken his ass out this guy hit u you shouldn't stand for that
    cnoble927

    Answer by cnoble927 at 9:57 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Go get a restraining order, move his stuff out and change the locks.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 10:10 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Not sure where you live, but since you entered into an "agreement" about him staying there, you may have to file an eviction to get him removed. And it's not always a fast process. Depending on your state, you don't always have to have a formal agreement when you let someone stay with you. Let this be a warning for letting anyone stay with you for any reason. If they choose not to leave they can sometimes make it hell to get them out. Check with your lawyer and get that ball rolling asap!!

    msm67

    Answer by msm67 at 10:12 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • First of all...what do you mean "he gets it anyway"? Does this mean he forces you cause the last time I checked...married or not...that's called rape!
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 10:41 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • All whta everyone else said Divorced means just that you don't have to have sex with him you don't have to support him you don't have to answer to him Period! Now, this is your life get him out. How long have you given him to find a job? Is he looking. I think it's been long enough. Just give him the boot and change the locks.
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 10:55 AM on Nov. 20, 2010

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