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FD wants to be adopted but has to ask her bioparents to voluntarily relinquish

Has anyone had a case like this? Our 17yo foster daughter wants to be adopted and of course we love her very much and it makes us so happy. There's nothing for her if she goes back to bio family as she's been in and out of care her whole life pretty much. Somehow some way parents have kept their parental rights. (figuring that out would be a lifelong puzzle) Anyway, her parents are going to have to be asked to voluntarily relinquish their rights in order for this to be completed. None of us think dad will care and we are going to talk to mom soon. She's already been sent a letter so she knows what's up when we go see her. Our gut feeling on mom is that she will. She actually loves her daughter. She loves her enough to make sure she's taken care of and happy. Our FD would definitely stay in touch with her mom but her mom can't take care of her.  In our last conversation with mom we talked about her getting out soon but she wanted FD to stay with us and finish school.  She told fd as long as she got to see her sometimes that's all she wanted.  This was before the subject of adoption came up.  I worry about DCS trying to make a big hairy deal out of this.  It seems quite simple to me.  Mom signs, dad signs, we sign, maybe she signs, take it before the judge, judge approves or denies (there's no way in h*ll he wouldn't approve it--long history) and we finalize.  Since we've notified them of our desire to be a permanent family it's like they've gone, "Hmmmm what's up with this?"  That's the feeling I get and I believe I'll get ugly if they start badgering our fd.  I want her to have all the info she can get so she will be sure she's sure but she already looks to me before making any decision.  It makes me feel like DCS is wanting to make sure we didn't talk her into it.  Why the heck would we do that?  It's not like there's some kind of financial gain...etc.  She's nearly a legal adult !!  She's a girl with a very uncertain future and is self destructing because of it.  Before you go with the "aging out" theory, this was a mutual decision.  She'd just drop off in the great abyss because like everything else in her life, shes had no control over it.  Again, has anyone had a situation similar?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:03 AM on Nov. 20, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (9)
  • If it is convincing her bioparents that is causing her problems, then just wait. You can adopt her on her 18 th birthday without parental consent.

    Answer by GBsMom at 12:10 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Wait until she's 18 then you don't need their permission.

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:44 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • That isn't a problem...they won't have a problem with it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:51 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • So it sounds like the bparents are on board with the plan, she is on board, you are just worried about DHS not allowing it?

    I hope DHS wouldnt stand between this girl getting a family, it sounds like a no brainer. They may have rules against adopting that close to reaching adulthood because of the adoption tax credit. Do you get that if you adopt through the foster care system?

    Good luck and hopefully you dont have to wait a year to make her official.

    Answer by 2ndtimewish at 12:07 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • As I understand the tax credit it gives you 'credit' up to $10K ? (I don't know if it's gone up)based on your out of pocket expenses for the adoption. This adoption wouldn't cost anything since it's dcs. I don't believe there would be any credit to us because of that. We will claim her on our taxes as a dependant though. We would get whatever that credit allows. I never even thought of the adoption credit since it was dcs.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:07 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I really hope that everything works out for you with this case. It sounds like everyone is in agreement with what should be done here.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 2:39 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • by the time all that gets done she'll be 18 and a legal adult.

    Answer by heatherann0221 at 4:13 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • If she is over 18 we will still adopt her. Adult adoption is not as common but it's important to each of us to have a legal adoption.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:33 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • So, here's my question. Why don't you just wait another year until she's 18 and can legally do it herself? I know some people who have done this. A friend of our's adopted his fd at the age of 19 because her parents never gave up rights and she wanted a familial anchor.

    Answer by Shanna84 at 12:23 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

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