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What do you do when your sex drive doesn't equal your husband's?

I have not had any sex drive for the last 5 years. My children were planned and I got pregnant very quickly. Sex has been painful (2 surgeries for endometriosis and I have fibromyalgia and am currently under treatment for it and depression/anxiety with cymbalta) for a long time. I also was pregnant/breastfeeding for 4 straight years. My OB has changed my birth control in an effort to get my hormones regulated and says give it 3-6mos. My hubby wants it all the time and I never want it. It's like I have no feeling during sex anymore. It doesn't hurt anymore but now it just feels numb. What do I do?

Answer Question

Asked by lorihadams at 1:49 PM on Nov. 4, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • BUMP!

    Answer by KatieCrandall at 2:39 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Girl, I wish I knew... My child is 16 months old and I haven't been in the mood since months before I had him. My fiance is 4 years younger than me and is always horny. Having sex is more like a chore then anything else. Now its clean the house, make dinner and have sex. :(
    I wish there was a way to get that sensation back. It really does'nt help that he says I am just old!
    When you get some useful advise let me in on the secret.

    Answer by aquarol at 2:57 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • 5 years im surprised your husband is still around, read some books try new things, go to counseling. i hope things get better.

    Answer by jbirchard at 3:44 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • You need to start masterbating, atleast once a day. I know it sounds funny, but your sex drive will come back. I'm a passion consultant, contact me if you want to talk; i can send you a catalog that will help. Keep in mind that as a wife you NEED to please your husband. I myself had endometriosis and ended up having a hysterectomy. You CAN come back from this. You just need to work at it. Good luck!!

    Answer by DanaLamborn at 8:12 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I would get a new doc, and get off your drugs, get some bloodwork done and see if you have a problem with your endocrine system first of all. It is a hugely underdiagnosed issue in women with lack of sex drive and depression issues. As far as numb, do you mean you really cant feel it when you guys have sex??? I would go see a specialist about that... could have some sort of nerve damage?? Also, have you ever really enjoyed sex? Do you feel good about yours self? If no, then you need to do something to change this. Learn to to please yourself .. dress up more, work out if you arent in shape, etc..... get some self confindence.. you will be amazed how much it makes you feel like getting naked and showing off to your man!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Nov. 4, 2008


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • My husband went to our family doctor last night (for a head cold) and talked to her about our sex issue. She wants to put me on viagra. I don't want to take more pills. Then she tells my husband that there is nothing medically that can be done for lack of sex drive in women. THEN she tells him that it is probably psychological. I want to punch her in the face. I keep trying to tell my husband that this is not something that is unique to me and that there could be something medically wrong with me. He believes her not me. I told him that sex is a chore and that I hate it now and have for a long time. He keeps saying that I am just making up excuses all the time and that he wants everything to be the way it was when we first got together (we were like bunnies) and then I started in with the fibro and endometriosis and everything went downhill and has never been the same. I don't know what to do.

    Answer by lorihadams at 3:40 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • Me and My husband both have high sex drives but sometimes after a long day i can't be bothered but we usually end up doing it anyway but when i had my 3rd child my sex drive dissapeared for 5mo and i only had sex around 6 times within that time

    Answer by Mummytomore at 11:40 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

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