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how can i get my husband and 4 month old to spend more time together???

OK....when Griffin (my son) was born I had pretty bad postpartum depression for the first 3 weeks. My husband was AWESOME he did everything except breastfeed of course...and now the older my son gets the less and less time my husband wants to spend time with him. He says that he's a "bi-polar" baby and he is never satisfied with anything...it just hurts because you want to see your son bond with his father...Granted my son had alot of trouble in the begining with acid reflux and colic so I can see how he could think he would be no fun but still he's your son...so does anyone have any suggestions,thoughts, anything??

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luvsgriffin

Asked by luvsgriffin at 3:09 PM on Nov. 4, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 9 (298 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Give him time. It is actually very common for men to not want anything to do with babies. Babies are hard work - they take and take and take and it is a long time before they give. Men don't appreciate the snuggling or little grins, they don't make up for all the effort, mess, and work. As your son gets mobile and can start to play, your husband will respond.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 3:17 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • men get bored with babies at this age... give it a couple more months... when the baby starts to move around and be more mobile, he'll play with him more!!
    AudlyLuvly

    Answer by AudlyLuvly at 3:21 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I think it may be more that Dad doesn't know how to cope with the issues of a new, and sick baby. Good luck, patience and peace.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 3:21 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I am going through the same issue, My husband doesn't spend anytime with our 5 month old, I am very stressed and need a little help, so I tell him its eithewr baby or scrubbing toilets, he ussually picks our son so i go hide in the bathroom for an hour or so. It justs takes time, I know thats not excatly what you are wanting to hear, but as the time goes by it does get better, my hb wouldnt even hold our son the 1st 3 months. so it does and will get better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • tell him how much it bothers u, insist that he hold the baby for at least 15 minutes every single day, and tell him how its not anyones fault if the baby has colic. u have to keep telling ur husband how much it really bothers u when he wont bond with his own child
    Butterflysky_24

    Answer by Butterflysky_24 at 3:49 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • lol I know what your saying I'll get him to watch the baby so I can go take a bath after a looong day and SOMEHOW the baby will end up in the bouncee watching mommy bath so there I sit making silly faces and noices to keep him entertained...I was gone for count'em 52 MIN. the other day he called me THREE times griping wanting me to come home that " I was to never leave him alone with the baby again" the sad thing is that I was at the doctor because I was sick!!
    luvsgriffin

    Answer by luvsgriffin at 3:55 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • I don't think you should give him time.
    This will spill into your relationship.
    What is your husband doing with his time, other than hanging out with your child?
    He is avoiding taking care of his responsibilities. Men often get this "I work all day, so I'm too tired to take care of the baby" attitude, and that puts YOU down as a mother, because after you've tended to your child all day, evening and night- it is not too much to ask DH to spend some time taking care of/entertaining/BONDING with their child..
    If you give it time, before you know it a year will have passed and you'll be ready to pull out your hair.
    (cont)
    Liyoness

    Answer by Liyoness at 4:00 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • This is a terrible trap that too many women fall for - if DH doesn't want to spend time with the babe, then he's taking time away from YOU being simply a woman, and not just a mother.
    How's your sex life, right now? Are you seeing stars when you make love?

    You've got to talk to him- chances are if his communication with your child is breaking down, then so is his communication with you..
    Daddy/DH is withdrawing - you've got to get to the root of why, and let him know that in a marriage, and as a parent, that is NOT something he can do.
    Liyoness

    Answer by Liyoness at 4:01 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • He's probably just nervous and needs some confidence, though it may just be boredom. Boredom is not ok, he needs to tough it out and accept the fact that me may just have to watch your son blow bubbles. If it's that he's scared, help build his confidence! I've had to do this with my husband. He spends several hours alone with our son every day, but feels like a failure when Bobby cries (especially because he doesn't really cry when I'm taking care of him). He just needs to be reassured that he's not going to do anything wrong and that he's actually quite good at some things (for instance, my husband is a billion times better at diapering and dressing than I am!). Good luck!
    KatieCrandall

    Answer by KatieCrandall at 6:19 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

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