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2 Bumps

Sibling of ds's friend is a bad influence but his friend really wants him over!

Okay, so how would you handle this? The friend of your 9 year old child has a teen sibling now who you feel is a very untrustworthy, bad influence with parents who look the other way? We are family friends, the children have been friends for 7 years but the parents are so extremely permissive..and defensive of their teen son. Now the friend desperately wants my son to come sleep over, but I never leave him there alone because I feel I don't trust the teen son in the house. He had one sleep over with him before when the teen son was much younger and less of a problem. I can't keep putting off the sleepover, but I won't allow it. And I love the parents, nicest friends in the world, so I don't want to lose the friendship either! There is no way to talk this one out or be direct without causing a problem because they already think people are picking on their perfect teen son and are not realistic. Plus they have confided in me, so I can hardly turn around and tell them that he is the reason we can't leave our son at their home, in their care. Without the teen son in the picture, I would be fine with it. Blah. Have you been in this situation before?

 
spottedpony

Asked by spottedpony at 9:49 PM on Nov. 20, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 25 (25,089 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I have faced a similar problem, and like you I am tight-fisted with my children, and for good reason. I would like to encourage you to know and realize, that if you say "no", it is your choice to make, and it is up to you whether you would like to divulge an explanation. If they should ask you "why", ask them if they would be prepared for the answer. Let them press you for the "why" in the situation, and if you feel that they genuinely want to know, then explain in the gentlest way possible your uneasiness with your son spending the night. You "do" have the right to say "no", and basically, you "don't" have to say "why", unless you want to. I know it sounds harsh, but in the end, friend or no friend, you are still responsible for the safety and well-being of your children, and if you feel it's not safe, do not send them. Be blessed.
    Lordgivemewizdm

    Answer by Lordgivemewizdm at 12:42 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I had a couple of similar situations over the years with my 3 boys. I'm afraid I never did let them sleep over, I would just invite the sibling that was their friend to our house for the sleep over, one of the moms just let it slide, and never pressed the issue. The other one did press a little bit, but I was honest without getting into it too much, and just said that I'd be more comfortable with them at my house. To be honest she didn't push too much after that, I think she knew that her older son was a problem. She did occasionally make little remarks about me being "over protective", but I couldn't leave my child somewhere that I wasn't comfortable with the situation.

    Good Luck.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:57 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • What things have the teen son done that seems so bad? Is this teen going to be around the other children? I am not sure how I would act on this to be honest! I would probuly not want my child to go there if the teen is a not so good seed. Best of luck interested to see other answers to this!!
    jem102675

    Answer by jem102675 at 9:59 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • I to am interested in why he is untrustworthy.
    MumaSue

    Answer by MumaSue at 10:09 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

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