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What am I feeling? Is this normal?

Okay, so let me get started by saying that I will never cheat on or leave my SO because he is THE BEST thing to ever happen to me. We have a wonderful relationship and a beautiful family together.

My issue is that before I met my SO I was EXTREMELY interested in a guy. We talked a lot, would hang out and watch movies as a group with friends and such. He said he wasn't interested in a relationship because I was considering moving and if I did he didn't want to get start something, get attached and then things not work out. He has an awesome personality and is very handsome. (Same as my SO.) We have stayed friends minus a tiff about a year ago (around the time I started dating my SO) where he got pissy with me and we didn't really end things... but just stopped talking for a few months.

Well, I was getting the feeling he only kept me around to be nice so I bluntly asked him (I prefer straightforward relationships with family, loved ones and friends... it just makes life easier) if he felt that way and he made the comment that "we used to date". I told him we never dated ebcause he didn't want to and he said that he did but I chose differently. WTH?!

ANYWAYS, I told him the past is the past and it isn't healthy to dwell on closed chapters in the book of life (yes I should take my own advice, but I want to know WHY I feel this way) and left it at that.

But why do I still feel as if I FEEL for him? As if I wish I could be with him sometimes? We don't even have the same conversations we used to and talk persoanlly and stuff... we just talk about work and life in general. And I am so happy with my family and my SO. So WHY would I have this tugging urge?

It drives me crazy to think I have even the slightest emotion towards another man. :( And I feel like a cheating whore for even having this small flicker of emotion for someone else even though I never have and never would do anything. :(

Is this simply the fact that I now know I could have had something I wanted, but at the time didn't think I could have?

[I hope I didn't leave anything out.]

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:04 PM on Nov. 20, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Hmm, I think this is normal to wonder. In life, there are many kinds of temptations. There's a song by Huey Lewis "Happy To Be Stuck with You" where he mentions "neither one took the bait" referring to other people liking him (and his SO). So, it happens to other people if they put it in a song. :) Anyway, you have to really ask yourself what it is that you are interested in: is it truly him or the thought of what might have been (greener pastures, so to speak).
    That being said, I don't think that there is only one person we love in life; I think that there can be a few. There is just the realization or knowledge that you are better with one person over another. For instance, you love 2 guys--A & B, but A doesn't want to have kids and you deeply want them. You know you wouldn't be truly happy with A because you want kids & B would give you the chance to have them (since he would want them, too). HTH.
    Chocolatespring

    Answer by Chocolatespring at 10:34 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Its called "what if" syndrome and it hits all of us. He's stirring up all those old feelings by admitting how much he wanted you (and probably still does). He's not being a very good friend and as harsh as it sounds I wouldn't suggest that you cut way back on how much you talk to him/spend time with him. I had the same issue awhile ago and it began to effect my relationship because I kept thinking about how it could have been if I'd met my friend first . You can still be friends, just put your marriage first. Good luck!
    an-apple-a-day

    Answer by an-apple-a-day at 10:16 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Because you don't feel that the relationship ended well. Or, there was no real ending to it. So you have to closure. You need to find that closure, so you can move on.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:15 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • *You have 'no' closure, not you have 'to' closure.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 10:16 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Obsessing.

    What you are doing is called obsessing. Instead of spending your day thinking about what is currently happening to you or what is important to you, or what you'd like to accomplish in your life, or what you appreciate about your current health, wealth and happiness, you've elected (it's voluntary, however much it feels out of your control) to spend your time thinking about possible pasts and fictional presents and impossible futures.

    Whenever you find yourself obsessing about something that is not making you happy about your life right now, stop yourself, look around at what you have, find 4 things you know you're not entitled to just because you're alive and describe in detail three things about each that you genuinely appreciate.

    Initially, you'll probably have to do it about 20 times a day, but eventually you'll be looking at your life with gratitude and appreciation instead of wondering 'what if.'
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 10:30 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

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