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Best or worst advice while adopting

What is the best advice you received while considering adoption (and did you take it)
What was the worst advice and again, did you take it.

 
2ndtimewish

Asked by 2ndtimewish at 11:46 PM on Nov. 20, 2010 in Adoption

Level 16 (2,683 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Good advice: become as close as you feel comfortable to the b-parents or a-parents as you can before the baby arrives. However, you should make clear boundaries on visitation and any other things you'd like to be set before the baby arrives. Worst advice: if you are close to the b-parents, go to them personally if you anything that is bothering you. Don't listen to anyone if they say you shouldn't speak up about your problems because you are to emotionally involved. I'm extremely close to the b-parents of the babies I adopted and I had a problem with some boundaries that weren't set before the babies came. So, our social worker suggested my husband tell them the things that were upsetting me, and it hurt both of them that I didn't tell them my concerns personally. We have a great relationship with the b-parents, but it was almost lost when I didn't have the courage to tell them what was bothering me myself.
    luvmybgtwins

    Answer by luvmybgtwins at 11:27 AM on Nov. 28, 2010

  • Best advice...Be honest. Not only to the agency, PBMom, etc. but to yourself. Don't hide behind what you think you should be doing/feeling because you think it's what is expected...only you know what's right for you...hold onto that!

    Worst advice...Know exactly what you want before you start the process. Many times your ideas about what you are looking for going in are not the same about what you are looking for going out. Have an idea of what you want and keep your mind open to any change.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 10:57 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Worst advice? Foster to adopt. So often, those children never become eligible to adopt. So many of my friends have had their hearts broken because they thought that foster to adopt would be the way to go. Rarely does it work out well. And the foster care system? Recruits parents who want to foster children, as that's what the need is. They are not looking for parents who want to adopt.

    Best advice? Know that things won't always go smoothly, that it will be a long and difficult process, that even after the adoption is final there will be difficulties related to adoption - and know that when these problems arise, you can stay calm and handle them one at a time, as they come, and it's ok to ask for help if you need it.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 6:36 PM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I think the best advice might be to foster kids first due to the fact that some people don't adopt because the cost is too high and fostering is a much more economical way to give children a good home. These children really have been through a lot too and need a good home. God bless you!
    carol2m2

    Answer by carol2m2 at 11:51 PM on Nov. 20, 2010

  • Best advice: "do what's best for the baby" - but no one followed through on that one...

    Worst advice when explaining adoption and trying to get me to accept that circumstance:
    "she loved you soo much, she gave you away", "be thankful you were not aborted", "get over it and move on", "she didn't want you then- what makes you think she'll want you now?", "sorry, your records were distroyed in a horrific fire/flood",

    And my amoms best of the worst- "she's NOT your real mom, I AM dammit!" And in her next breathe, "you're NOT real"
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 3:31 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Worst: adopt a Chinese kid because they are smart and easier. Okay, that was a giant WTF! But I am nice so I nodded with a smile and thought what an idiot. Best: don't stress, it will happen. I didn't believe it but it's true. It may not happen in your time frame but it does happen.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:06 AM on Nov. 24, 2010

  • Worst: place your child for adoption, he will be better off. Or Have an abortion it is better than adoption.
    Best: Keep your child and raise him ( wish someone would have said that to me)
    ChrissyH

    Answer by ChrissyH at 8:52 AM on Nov. 27, 2010