Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

What to do

My boyfriend and I have known each other for 2 years now, we started dating about 5 months ago. We are both so happy! We are making plans for me to meet his dad and stuff. He knows my parents and has for a long while. Plus he adores my son.

No big deal, I know he enjoys every minute we are together and I do as well.

My question is, why do I feel so strange (like I want to back away from the relationship) just near Christmas. I have dated 4 guys (yes TOTAL seriously) I mean serious dating. With the first one I was all excited about Christmas and felt it was a lovey dovey type of time. I had my son by him.

Ever since when I am dating a guy and Christmas starts getting close I pull away and break up with him. I dont want to do that with this guy. I am in love with him. I dont want to hurt him. Is it just aprehension about the Holidays? I dont know what I am wanting from typing this, I guess just venting.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:38 AM on Nov. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Maybe it has something to do with the past and the previous relationships during those holidays. I have a huge phobia of the Thanksgiving holidays b/c of my ex. There was always horrible drama on that day. Im getting better about it but it has taken time and lots of hard work on my part. ie,,no one is going to throw a turkey across the room ever again,,,but you get my drift

    Answer by beyondhopes at 12:42 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Christmas and other holidays can be stressful in themselves. Then add the pressure of gifts for boyfriends and concerns about whether he will give you a gift, etc. and your past experience, you probably are just psyching yourself out. You are obviously happy with this guy and if you can push yourself through the holidays, you will probably be fine. Talk to him. Explain your pattern and your feelings about Christmas. I feel pretty sure he will support you and give you a little space during this time if you need it. It sounds like he is a keeper, so don't blow this over emotional baggage, k?

    Answer by neebug3766 at 12:44 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Since you associate a great Christmas with your first boyfriend, and then you broke up, you are probably afraid of getting too close to him and getting hurt emotionally again. For some people, even me, we seem to get emotional towards the holidays. It all depends on the associations each person has with with the holidays, whether it be good or bad. But just remember, every year can be different and you can always make new memories (the good kind I hope). For Christmas should be about getting together with the people we love and that's all that matters.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:50 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Thank you so much. That helps a lot to know I'm not alone. I thought about talking to him but I was afraid to, I guess afraid he may deside its too much for him. But I guess its better that I know now then wait and find out later.

    Thanks so much!!!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:51 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • No, I think you should talk about it with him. He's probably sensing you are wanting to pull back, and is confused. If he has accepting you having a son, I'm sure he can accept this. I think it will bring you guys closer together, he will probably do great at reassuring you, and comforting you.
    And I think you are justified in feeling this way. As amessageofhope said, you associate Christmas with the past boyfriend, who you were in love with and then that relationship ended. You said you are in love with this one, it's getting close to Christmas, and you are afraid this relationship will end as well. If you don't want to talk with him about your feelings, just keep reminding yourself that all relationships are different. And this one is going strong, so there is not reason to think it's going to end.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 8:49 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.