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2 Bumps

tell her she is adopted

I have a daughter that is going on 13. I got preg with her when I was 17 and thing didnt work with the dad. My husband now, adopted her when she was 1. We have never told her she is adopted. Now we are worried someone else might tell her. Do we tell her or take the chance

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:22 AM on Nov. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • You need to tell her. for her to find out another way would be far more traumatic.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 2:28 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Yikes! That's a tough one! I usually say honesty is the best policy. I think I would have a conversation with her sooner than later. I think at this point it is probably going to have some complications, but better initiated by you and hubby, than trying to clean up a mess someone else made by saying something to her. ((hugs))

    Answer by blessedwithree at 2:29 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I was 10 when I found out I was living in the same situation. My dad is not my Bdad. It's hard finding out, but is something that is easier to find out coming from the safety of your parents. Make sure you feel your daughter can handle it and find a time that is best for all of you. It will be hard, but it's ok. My dad is MY DAD. Nothing will ever change that. You need to make sure she and your husband have a good solid relationship and they they always work at it! Don't wait too long, but don't tell her if you think she's not ready. Everyone's different and you're the Mom! Feel free to private message me if you wanna talk more about this. I'm actually meeting my Bdad for the first time in Feb. I'm almost 28 now and two kiddos of my own. Again, feel free to chat with me, I'll be here :-)

    Answer by Carrielayne at 2:33 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • My middle dd was getting really curious about my adoption and asking a bunch of questions, so to prep her for her own story of stepdad adoption, I told her about my parents adopting me and let her ask tons of questions. She was 5 when this happened and we told her about her adoption (stepdad). I didn't want her to hear it from other people and I didn't want her to be ashamed of it. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Now we have a "Daddy & Brandi special day" that we celebrate as a family with cake and ice cream and a nice dinner wherever Brandi wants to eat. She loves it and it makes her feel very special - which she is! :)

    Answer by Babylove76 at 3:15 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I would sit her down and tell her the truth as well as reinforce that your husband loved her so much he CHOSE her to be his daughter. she might struggle with some emotions but knowing the truth from YOU rather than hearing it from someone else and feeling like you LIED to her her whole life is going to be much better. teenagers are likely to definitely take it as being lied to and negative if they hear that from someone else.

    Answer by katiPeas at 3:42 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I do not consider that a true adoption. Because you are her bio Mom. You just never told her her Dad is her Step Dad/adopted Dad.

    Just tell her.


    Answer by louise2 at 5:15 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Why why why? I don't understand why people do this! Why not just raise them from the get go that they are adopted? What is the big deal? Now you want to turn her world upside down? This is not going to be pretty no matter how you slice it. I would do this in a controlled setting in a therapists office.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Nov. 22, 2010

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