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BIG dilemma with Mother-n-laws kids......

Ok I love my mother-n-law most of the time...she's good with my baby, BUT her son is causing a huge problem. He's 10 years old and supposedly has autisum. I only say this because me and probably 20 other people don't think it's autisim he just needs dicipline.(autisim aside anyway) He gets WHATEVER he wants and he will tell you that. He outshines his other siblings and they know that. He has threatened to kill his fellow classmates with siccors he stole of the teachers desk..he's ripped shelving off the walls and thrown them at it just keeps me from thinking what would stop him from hurting even killing my child...I don't want to keep my son away from his grandparents but I CAN'T let him be around this child. Plus I'm kinda weird with people letting their 9 and 10 year olds walk around with my 3 month old. (i'd like them to be sitting) and she lets them do whatever. So PLEASE help!!!!!!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on Nov. 4, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (7)
  • First of all, you have no right to judge whether or not that child has Autism, that should be left to medical professionals. Secondly, you are absolutely right to limit his access to your child given his violent outbursts. You have to be honest and open with your MIL about your concerns, your rules (no children walking w/ the baby, etc) and your expectations. She may get angry, but she'll get over it if she wants to see her grandbaby.

    Answer by Kimebs at 3:37 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • that's the thing medical professionals don't think he does either!!! Than's why this is so crazy they want to send him to a 90 day program to figure out where the anger is coming from

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:42 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • it doesnt matter if its autism or just behavioral, that child would not be around my baby! i might let him hold the baby while hes sitting and im watching but then i'd take back the baby. u r not being overprotective if u never ever let ur baby alone in that house. whatever issues he has autism or not, are not ur problem and ur beign a good parent by protecting ur baby from harm whether it offends ur mother in law or not!

    Answer by Butterflysky_24 at 3:47 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Autism or not, the boy sounds dangerous.  You should just tell your In-laws your feelings and rules..If they do not like it.  Or do not want to abide by them..Tell them they can not be around or alone with their grand child


    Answer by louise2 at 3:54 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • You can't compare the hurt feelings of your adult MIL with the safety of your unprotected baby. You don't have to eliminate all contact. Maybe your baby can visit with her when the other child is in school. Or she can spend time with the baby when you or your husband are there to ensure that your infant is kept safe. You are never under an obligation to put your baby or child in a situation that you are uncomfortable with. Follow your Motherly intuition (with this case and in the future), you would hate to regret it later, should something happen and your baby is hurt when it could have been avoided.

    Answer by bliss4mom at 4:18 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • Meet in controlled situations i.e. a mall, restraunt, park. zoo. Places where the 10 year old is occupied. We have been doing this to my DH family for 3yrs they still haven't figured out that we don't want them at our house. This way You can leave if the situation gets bad instead of asking for them to leave your house.

    Answer by momontherun32 at 9:14 PM on Nov. 4, 2008

  • If the doctors can't diagnose him as autistic. He may be bipolar, which is not easily diagnosed in children and is very resistant to discipline. Have your MIL find a doctor who has experience with bipolar children. I wouldn't normally ever suggest a psychiatric issue for a child, but if he is a danger, it is entirely possible he isn't capable of controlling his impulses because of a mood disorder.

    Answer by bliss4mom at 2:12 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

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