I was surrendered to an adoptive family at birth, and hence, I do come from a broken family. Just wondering if any of our issues about our parents run pararelle?
Did you feel different than all the other kids who had a mom and dad?
Did you feel sad or angry about your parents not being together?
Did you ever blame yourself for the reasons they called it quits?
Did anyone try to put a good spin on having divorced parents to you? Like, it's a good thing they are divorced?
Did anyone chastise you for not seeing eye to eye with a new step parent right away?
Are we more similar, or different in our experiences with our family?
Answer by Zoeyis at 7:42 AM on Nov. 21, 2010
Which is why you can't bad mouth the other parent in divorce. A child knows they are one half mom and one half dad. If you trash dad you don't love all of me is what a child is thinking. Only part of me. It is instinct. Even when kids don't understand biology they understand they are half of each. Now image you trash birth parents. What part of them, if any, do you really love? That is from a child's point of view. Which is why no matter what you don't trash the parents. You don't trash your spouse who is divorcing you, you don't trash the birth parents, and you don't trash the parents who are raising the child. In other words - you exercise compassion and understanding.
Answer by frogdawg at 8:57 AM on Nov. 22, 2010
Answer by katiPeas at 6:10 AM on Nov. 21, 2010
Answer by tootoobusy at 6:47 AM on Nov. 21, 2010
Answer by layh41407 at 7:32 AM on Nov. 21, 2010
Answer by justnancyb at 6:32 PM on Nov. 21, 2010
Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:45 PM on Nov. 21, 2010
Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:46 PM on Nov. 21, 2010
I work with a ton of kids who come from both divorced situations, adoption, and where dad and mom never married and there is this absent parent. What they all have in common? Grief and loss. Some parents tell their child right from the start that its a good thing their "real" father is out of the picture because he wasn't good for them. And list all the reasons why. Ouch. Then there are the parents who bad mouth each other through divorce in front of the kids. Those little snide comments that sometimes don't come from the parents but from the grandparents. Or the kids who never knew why or who their biological parents are....just wishing they knew a little more so they can feel like they know themselves. Here is the common link: every child needs to know the persons who gave them life cared and loved them. You can move on and live a good life when you KNOW that you were loved.
Answer by frogdawg at 8:46 AM on Nov. 22, 2010
Answer by frogdawg at 9:00 AM on Nov. 22, 2010