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Is rewarding a child with THINGS for good behavior setting them up?

My sister's kids were always given Name brand stuff when they did something good. Now when they feel the need to feel good, they go on a shopping spree to feel better. Problem is their credit card are maxed out, their husbands won't give them money now so they steal it from their mom or take things and sell them on Creigs List or to the consignment store so they can have money. I mean these are women in their 40's!
What's your take on it?

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Asked by Prayerpartner at 6:33 AM on Nov. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 20 (10,072 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • no rewarding children with things for good behaviour is not setting them up to have these issues. these issues come about from the kids not learning ANY financial skills or if they did, not applying them to thier lives. they are grown adults now. there is realy no excuse for them to CHOOSE to do these things. as an adult they know better. they choose not to DO better. I would say they need some serious tough love and to be cut off from thier families until they change thier criminal selfhish thinking and ways.

    Answer by katiPeas at 6:39 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I think it depends on the child, My son is like your sisters kids, He will now tell you If I am good then u have to give me something, The school started it with him, In effort to get him to do his work. I tell him I will not reward you , for doing your everyday jobs that are expected of you. HE gets angry but o'well , my boss never gives me a twinkie for working all day!!!!!

    Answer by kileighsmommie at 7:09 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • no. Rewards give them incentive and motivation. They do it in adult life too at workplaces.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:37 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • Being rewarded for doing good is something you'll always receive in life even when you get older. If you do good in school you might be able to be the line leader, when you get a job and do good at it you get a bonus etc... I think there is a difference in rewarding children with just material thing and nothing else. When children a young they drive on just getting their parents approval. I think emotional rewarding is not only more beneficial its also long lasting. If she's buying them things constantly when they are good and feeding that emotional needed or acceptance it could be that they fill the emotional need with buying things.


    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 7:50 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I think that what you are describing is very unhealthy. But many small children need external motivation until their internal motivation develops. It's one reason teachers put stickers on papers. My younger child gets the praise for doing a good job, but he still needs an external motivator to help him focus, so he picks a movie (from the library or our library) that he wants to see. If he meets his goals for the week, we watch it together on Saturday night. If he doesn't, we don't. Or he gets to go to the doughnut shop and choose a dozen doughnuts to bring home and share with the family. Little things like that, and they have to tie to the family. As he grows older, the plan is to wean him off the external motivators while focusing more in the internal motivators.

    Answer by May-20 at 8:19 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • It is good to recognize good behavior once in a while, but not make it a requirement.

    Answer by older at 8:36 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • NO! We reward withsmall cash for good grades, nothing else, but that is an extreme situation!

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 8:50 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • I think there is a difference between a reward and a bribe. I think that rewards should be for things like good grades or a job well done. maybe getting paid an allowance for doing chores. but if a mom is saying, "if you be good in the store I will buy you a toy" that is absolutely wrong. I have a friend that does that so now every time they go to a store the kids throw the BIGGEST fits ever, then she says if you be good I will buy you what you want. So they are good and they get what they want. I think is Setting them up yes.
    For me, (I raise my 13 year old brother), I cannot afford to pay him money for good grades but he gets certain privileges if his grades are good then he can play his video game and race his 4 wheeler (race quad) and things like that. If his grades drop the video games go away and the 4 wheeler gets parked. This has made him the best kid I could have. (continued)

    Answer by CarlieJS at 10:47 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

  • He is very respectful, very well behaved. I never have to ask him to do his chores (we also can't afford to pay an allowance but have taught him why it is important to have good work ethic, and he does not have a lot of chores). I never have to ask him to do his homework he does it the minute he gets home even on Fridays! I hope all my kids are as great as he is. :)

    Answer by CarlieJS at 10:48 AM on Nov. 21, 2010

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